Fischer: Resolve Israeli-Palestinian conflict before Iraq

Or in a thousand years, whatever comes first. Anyway, I have a pretty good idea what Joschka Fischer's desired outcome would be, and it would be unacceptable to Israel.

ABCNEWS.com : Sweden Urges U.S. on Guantanamo

Here's how you can tell the United States is not really a fascist imperialist nation, despite what the Indymediots and their ilk say:

If we were, Sweden would be collaborating with us.

From the Ichthypundit

JS Online: Exotic virus may have killed 10 tons of carp in lake

It's an endemic European disease, only known once before in the US (with imported koi). If it were just carp, I don't think anyone would mind very much, but

Staggs said it is uncertain what other fish might be at risk. Carp are members of the minnow family, which means other minnow species may be susceptible to the disease.

Northern pike also may be at risk, he said.

Carp are relatives of minnow? You learn something new every day. So the giant fish that are leaping into boats in Mississippi are cousins of bait fish. Maybe it's an attempt to free their relatives.

Great Moments In Headline Writing

Gates loses $11 billion, but still the richest in US: Forbes : HindustanTimes.com

Makes it sound like he might find it if he looks behind the cushions.

CNN.com - Taylor declares Liberia liberated - September 14, 2002

Yes, everything is great in Liberia now! Have a lollypop!

Young sold west Mobile home soon after primary loss

Senator Benedict Shelby's former chief of staff ran for the GOP nomination for a Congressional seat around Mobile. He had to move from DC, of course, and when he lost, he sold the house he bought in Mobile, of course. So what's wrong with that? Just because he doesn't actually live in Alabama, why shouldn't he be able to run for Congress here?

Davis finds friends on Hilliard's D.C. turf

After being called essentially an Uncle Tom and a white person in disguise during his successful campaign for the Democratic nomination (meaning the general election, since no Republican is running) for the Alabama 7th District congressional seat, Artur Davis is in Washington to visit with some members of the Congressional Black Caucus and take part in a forum. They seem to like him, probably because (unlike Earl Hilliard and his campaign staff) they don't see intelligence and a Harvard education as betraying their people and are willing to work with someone even if he's not on the far left.

Davis, who was criticized by Hilliard supporters for having worked as a prosecutor, a job in which he sent blacks to prison, urged the standing-room-only crowd to resist ranking black candidates on some artificial scale of blackness based on their education, manner of speech or profession.

"If whites did that, they would be appropriately criticized," Davis said. "We can't promote inclusiveness if we use divisive language."

News From The Bizarro World

Israel kills four Palestinians from one family, destroys 6 factories in Rafah

These four Palestinians seem to be the same four referenced yesterday; one gunman, who wasn't related to the three people who blew themselves up making a bomb. The Arabic News, however, calls this a "vague explosion".

ajc.com | Sports | Hootie Johnson undergoes heart surgery

I'm hoping he had a female doctor, because if he saw that he'd probably need another operation. Anyhow, get well soon, you sexist slimebag.

U.S. Says Suspect Tied to 9/11 and Qaeda Is Captured in Raid

I don't know if Ramzi bin al-Shibh is really high-ranking or no. It looks more like he's on the same level as Mohammed Atta (his former roomie -- Ramzi would appear to be the true 20th hijacker, which is increasingly reaching "fifth Beatle" status of number of claimants) and I don't know if he'd have much information on the higher-ups in al-Q. He can tell us more about the Sept. 11 preparations, and it's certainly better he be in custody than roaming free.

He was captured in Pakistan, naturally. I'm wondering if anyone in Pakistan other than possibly President Musharraf isn't a member of al-Qaeda or the Taliban.

Peres: Not facing Saddam could be same mistake as with Hitler

I guess we know where Shimon stands on the Iraq thing, then.

Captain Euro Goes To Florida
(Because Charles asked for it.)
Part One: Hunting Janet Reno

Captain Euro has been sent by the EU to make some sense of the Florida situation. As you might expect, he’s not having much success.

CAPTAIN EURO: Excuse me, madamemoiselle, I’m looking for a woman. She’s about six feet tall, dark hair, glasses?

SNOW WHITE: Listen, mister, this is Disney World, they don’t allow anything like that around here.

EURO: Non, non, nothing like that. I mean, this isn’t Amsterdam! I’m looking for Janet Reno. Here, I think I have a picture somewhere… [Shows them the picture.]

GOOFY: Garsh, nope. Haven’t seen anyone like that.

SNOW: Me neither. Have you tried the Jungle Cruise?

EURO: It was my next stop.

GOOFY: Mind if I tag along?

EURO: If you must. I must tell you, I am a superhero, you might not be able to keep up with me.

GOOFY: Garsh. Well, I’ll try.

[Two hours pass.]

EURO: Merde, these lines are long. Is it always this bad? At EuroDisney, I can get in any ride any time.

GOOFY: Well, this is a weekday, so it’s pretty thin. Okay, now get in the boat here. I talked with the man at the turnstile, he said some tourists from Delaware saw a huge wild man near the hippopotumuses.

EURO: But I am looking for a woman!

GOOFY: You’re looking for Janet Reno.

EURO: Merci beaucoup, mon ami. I will go to her and convince her to return to civilization. Give my best to Snow White.

GOOFY: If it’s okay, I’ll go along with you.

EURO: Well, if you must. Do you think this is the place?

GOOFY: Well, those are the hippos, so we’re probably close. Uh… Garsh.

[They jump out of the boat and wade towards the hippos.]

EURO: Shouldn’t you remove your costume?

GOOFY: No, I don’t think it’s time yet.

EURO: Well, to each his own. Are you sure this is-- [EURO is hit on the back of the head by a log wielded by a deranged JANET RENO. He falls, stunned.]

RENO: You’ll never take me back alive! They may have stolen the election from me, but in the Jungle Cruise set, I’m the governor!

EURO: Uhhhh… [Shakes it off -- his superpower is to quickly recover from any beating. It comes in handy a lot.] Madame Reno, I am here to talk is all! Ask anyone, that’s all I ever do!

GOOFY: That’s true, I’ve only known him two hours and already I’m sick of his voice.

RENO: Okay, talk. But if you make any funny movements, I’ll hit you again.

EURO: Madame, don’t you understand, the election was not really important! It’s the permanent government, the experts, who are the true rulers, not the so-called elected officials! With your experience, you could be a truly great bureaucrat!

RENO: I don’t think I want to listen to you anymore. Time to feed Gus. [She drags EURO towards a pond.]

EURO: Who is Gus. [He looks at the pond.] Zut Alors! C'est un crocodile!

RENO: No, Gus is an alligator. Don’t you know anything? My mother used to wrestle Gus. Of course, he was smaller then.

GOOFY: Wait, Janet! Don’t do it!

RENO: Why not? I’m hurt! I had the nomination and then Bush just gave it to that lawyer! I should have been the next governor!

EURO: Actually, you never could have won. According to the polls, you would have lost the general election handily. Why do you Americans need to have elections anyway, you have such excellent polls!

GOOFY: It’s true. Not about the polls, but the rest of it. It was an uphill battle anyway, and Jeb seems to get away with everything. Everyone knew it.

RENO: Really? I… Nobody told me! I’ve been so busy, I didn’t check the papers or watch TV. Everyone knew it?

EURO: Oui, oui! Please don’t throw me to the crocodile!

RENO: Oh, God, no! Maybe I made a mistake running in the first place.

GOOFY: No, you gave it your best. That’s all that counts. Sometimes, things just don’t work out. Believe me, I know. [HE REMOVES THE HEAD OF HIS COSTUME.]

AL GORE: Forget it, Janet. It’s Florida.

[All references to Walt Disney World, Goofy, Snow White, the Jungle Cruise, or EuroDisney is copyright 2002 the Walt Disney Corporation. If you think I’m going to tangle with them you’re crazy. The EU, on the other hand, can go hang.

I feel kind of bad making fun of Janet Reno, but not bad enough to not do it. And I stole the ending pretty much from a prior adventure, but I don’t care. Next: Captain Euro and the Practical Joking Medical Students!]

Ananova - Police officer shot man 'by mistake'

Oops!

Ananova - EU sanctions could spark trade war

Um... No. The Bush Steel Tariff and the rest of his protectionist policies sparked the trade war. This is the return volley. The EU shouldn't do it -- it will hurt them as much as it will us -- but they're not the ones provoking this one.

Richards inflamed by Jagger's honor

Why do I get the idea that this isn't the first time Keith Richards has been described as "inflamed"?

Reuters Wire | 09/13/2002 | TV: Dutch arrest Kurd suspected of Bin Laden link

Or maybe not. Who can tell anymore? Well, I assume we actually have some evidence against this one or the Dutch wouldn't arrest him. I should point out that we'll be fighting beside the Kurds pretty soon, but you knew that. Maybe he's an aberration.

No terror link found with three men in Florida

Boy, what are the odds? Well, this is George Bush's America, so they can expect to spend the next six months getting their lives systematically ruined. Or maybe they'll be declared enemy combatants and locked up indefinitely. Yeah, sure, they're citizens. But they're not real Americans, like you and me and John Ashcroft.

washingtonpost.com: Business

Why is it that every time the President gives a speech, no matter what it's about, the Dow goes down 70 points?

The Sacramento Bee -- sacbee.com -- WB, Harry Potter movie trailer make corporate link

Want to see the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets trailer? (I don't.) Well, you have to sit through an hour of Tim Curry aping Sebastian Cabot. It's like eating five pounds of carrots before dessert, which is a single Hershey's Kiss.

The Beauty of Gray

Douglas Turnbull reads in an MSNBC story (which I hadn't seen) that the "radioactive ship" detained and searched off New York was paid attention because of intelligence that a ship of that description was carrying "nuclear material or a nuclear device" into the US. And nobody paid any attention.

Conan-ization of the Emmys 'Late Night' star is low-key about hosting TV awards

Conan O'Brien will be hosting the Emmys, but he says he's never going to be asked to host the Oscars because "you need a certain gravity". Like Whoopi Goldberg? He's the obvious choice, in my opinion.

Disturbing Canadian-related Search Requests

Google Search: "gordon lightfoot" anti semitic

Who knew?

ajc.com | Metro |Delta plane diverted at Hartsfield

This was a flight to Miami. A passenger was "acting suspiciously" (= "looked foreign", I'll bet) and taken off the plane, which left an hour late. The passenger took a later flight. If it wasn't to Miami, I doubt anything would have happened, but people are jumpy.

As for Miami, Herman (in the comments) informs me that the "terrorists" detained in Florida are from three different countries. ("A Jordanian, an Iranian, and a Pakistani walk into a Waffle House...") It's an odd assortment, and 10:1 they're perfectly innocent. And if they're not, they're probably nothing more than a "distraction".

Students move out of hotel into dorm

I bet some of them were dragged out kicking and screaming. Dorm or hotel, yeah, that's a tough call.

West Nile virus found in 3 dead blue jays in county

Welcome to the club, Huntsville! And now, a reasoned response from a respected scientist:

THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR ALARM! PLEASE DO NOT PANIC! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T PANIC! RETURN TO YOUR REGULAR ACTIVITIES!

AP Wire | 09/13/2002 | Four Palestinians Die In Gaza

That's an interesting way to put it. Morally neutral. I suppose it's an upgrade. But what really happened?

Four Palestinians were killed in Gaza on Friday, including three in an explosion at a home believed to harbor a bomb workshop. Elsewhere, a Palestinian gunman died in a firefight with Israeli soldiers.

So you have three people who got themselves killed when their terrorist operation went sour. And a gunman died in a gunfight.

Yahoo! News - Michelangelo's David Gets First Wash Since 1873

If he were French, that wouldn't be that unusual.

CNN.com - One of two cars searched in terror scare cleared - September 13, 2002

I was just thinking... If three guys from the Middle East were going to discuss committing an act of terror among themselves, in public or private, wouldn't they do it in Arabic?

Thoughts On Listening To "Classic Rock" Radio

Okay, then, who did shoot the deputy?

Damian Penny points to the stupidest thing any company has ever done.

German engineering giant Siemens has hastily abandoned plans to register the trademark "Zyklon", the same name as the Zyklon B poison gas used in Nazi extermination camps... A year ago, Bosch Siemens Hausgeraete (BSH), the firm's consumer products joint venture, filed two applications with the US Patent & Trademark Office for the Zyklon name across a range of home products, including gas ovens.

How could anyone be that clueless?

Laurence Simon wonders, and Kehaar of Siflay wonders, what the alleged terrorists would want to blow up in Miami. Kehaar says the First Union Tower, Larry thinks there's nothing in Miami that would particularly interest them. Well, if they're looking for a symbolic target, that's probably right. My thought was they might think of the port at Fort Lauderdale as a target, but there wouldn't be much symbolic value.

I also thought about Carl Hiaasen's book Tourist Season, in which ecoterrorists hijack the Orange Bowl game. But that's a long way away. And the Dolphins don't play on Monday Night Football until December, I think. If you're going to blow up something in Florida, you'd head north for Disney World, I think.

From the Ichthypundit

AP Wire | 09/13/2002 | South Carolina bans snakehead fish

The DCSWF is really getting it now. You would think that they'd grandfather the old ones in, but no:

South Carolina officials will begin enforcing the ban Oct. 9. People with snakeheads are asked to turn them in before then.

If they don't, then one night, they'll get a knock on the door from the fearsome Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Snakeheads. Be Warned.

From the Ichthypundit even if we're talking mammals

Board eases up on boat speeds

Go ahead, drive your motorboats at 30 MPH. Yeah, I know what our experts say, but if the manatees can't get out of the way, screw 'em!

These crop patterns of earthly origin

This differs from all other crop circles... in no way whatsoever. Well, this time the farmer admits he made this (a maze in maize) himself, as a tourist attraction. Whatever.

Mindless Southern Baptist Sexism Update

Baptists reject missionaries

Why did the Southern Baptist missionary organization reject Don and Esther Gardner? Because their pastor is a woman, that's why. Apparently they're afraid that the Gardners will teach the "natives" to respect women, or possibly even that wives don't have to actually do everything their husband tells them.

Three more in Tuscaloosa County may have West Nile, doctor says

A doctor said at a forum last night that he has three patients he thinks have West Nile. Of course,

Fewer than a dozen people attended the forum.

That's because we're sensible people who are not going outside until first frost.

Slain CIA agent’s father urges justice

Johnny Spann was in town yesterday. And he's still pissed off.

Spann has seen video that was taped the day his son was killed, including the interview with Lindh. He said his son was “pleading" with Lindh to reveal where he was from, and that Lindh should have taken the opportunity to warn him about the uprising.

“Why did he not tell Mike, 'Hey, I’m an American, get me out of here. I’ve got some things to tell you’," he said. “His folks can say John Walker Lindh never wanted to hurt Americans. If John Walker Lindh loved Americans and didn’t want Americans to die, I wonder why he didn’t just tell him."

McKinney blames defeats on D-E-M-S

Cynthia McKinney says that the reason she and her father lost was because of Democrats. That's absolutely true, Cindy. More Democrats voted for your opponents than for you. It was a Democratic primary, remember?

Lawyer Claims Victory Over Reno in Florida

But Reno is in Nevada!

Oh.

Anyway, as a Democrat I'd just like to thank Jeb Bush -- who apparently is on the same stuff his daughter is -- for ensuring that the nomination be won by someone who can actually beat him in November. Maybe he wanted a challenge.

Hunting Tax Cheats, I.R.S. Vows to Focus More Effort on the Rich

A spokesman for rich people responded: "What is wrong with you people? We own this country! We own the government -- heck, we are the government! What did we get Bush elected for? It surely wasn't to invade Iraq! Louise, get me Karl Rove!"

Three people detained in Florida on possible terrorist threat

Considering how closely the state was tied to the 9-11 hijackers, I'm surprised we haven't seen more going on in Florida before. And if you were a terrorist, there aren't many better places to hide than the 'Glades. The odds are -- as in all these cases -- that this is a false alarm.

I have nothing to add.

U.S. Official: 'Ferment' in Palestinian Government

That explains why they act that way! They're drunk!

Boston Globe Online / Living | Arts / Conservatively speaking, I say right on

The Real Alex Beam says that conservative commentators have more fun. (Via Romenesko.)

Blair's Law Update

Greens urge McKinney to run for president

You can't make this sort of thing up.

From the Ichthypundit

Corps Develops Plan to Help Fish

Dammit, the Army Corps of Engineers has gone over to their side!

The Miami Herald | 09/12/2002 | Text of President Bush's speech to the United Nations on Iraq

We know that Saddam Hussein pursued weapons of mass murder even when inspectors were in the country. Are we to assume that he stopped when they left? The history, the logic and the facts lead to one conclusion. Saddam Hussein's regime is a grave and gathering danger. To suggest otherwise is to hope against the evidence. To assume this regime's good faith is to bet the lives of millions and the peace of the world in a reckless gamble. And this is a risk we must not take.

Listen, I have a lot of problems with this administration. And I think a lot of the reason they're pushing war with Iraq is to rescue GHWB's legacy. And they're taking advantage of 9-11 to pursue Saddam, who was tangentially involved at most.

That doesn't mean that they're wrong. We will have to fight Saddam. Maybe now, maybe later. But we will have to fight, and I would rather do it before he has nuclear weapons.

washingtonpost.com: Warren Zevon Has Untreatable Cancer

Damn, this sucks.

My Train Pass? Oh, Sorry, My Favorite Show Is Just Starting

There's a device now that lets you watch recorded TV shows on a Pocket PC.

CNN.com - The illegal drug khat showing up in the U.S. - September 12, 2002

First, let's hear it for the drug warriors!

Khat has been illegal since 1993 in the United States. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration, chronic use can cause violence and suicidal depression similar to amphetamine addiction, though the agency said it was unaware of any examples.

"We don't know of anything actually happening, but we're sure it's bad!" And now, how about a hand for its advocates:

"What coffee is to Americans is what khat is for Somalis," said Omar Jamal, executive manager of the Somali Justice Advocacy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. "The whole thing about khat being addictive is very strange for Somalis. It's a completely different frame of thinking."

"I mean, nobody was ever addicted to coffee, right?"

Khat (the first time I heard of it they spelled it qat -- I think we should push that spelling for Scrabble reasons) contains cathinone, which is similar to amphetamines. It's really not a big deal. Admittedly, it's gross, but no grosser than chewing tobacco.

CNN.com - Schools cut costs with 4-day weeks - September 11, 2002

Every weekend is a three-day weekend in Midland, Louisiana! And in school districts in five other states. If nothing else, it will be a boon for the daycare industry.

CNN.com - Part of Cincinnati/Kentucky airport evacuated - September 12, 2002

Here's a hint for you travelers: If you go through the metal detector and it buzzes, just keep on going! Don't slow down the line!

Arcade owners say rights violated

Sheriffs have seized video poker and other gampling machines and threatened proprietors with arrest. Why? Because video poker machines are illegal. And they're acting like there's something wrong with that! Anyway, the arcade owners are saying that their rights have been violated because their illegal machines were seized and they would be arrested if they kept operating them. It's a potentially revolutionary case. But I don't think the courts will hold it a rights violation to enforce the law.

UAB to attack brain cancer

A spokesman for German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder called upon UAB to give sanctions a chance to work.

From the Ichthypundit, though these are crustaceans

Vietnam denies dumping shrimp in the U.S. market

Well, that settles that. Certainly Vietnam would never lie to us! Actually, I believe them. They're selling shrimp at a profit, they just raise them themselves and it's more cost-effective than catching wild shrimp.

Dumbass Search Requests

Google Search: hoax stoning woman nigerian

From the Ichthypundit

State officials won't spray herbicide on Lake Murray hydrilla

Hydrilla is also called "aquatic kudzu", which gives you some idea. At any rate, the state of Wisconsin isn't going to spray the lake that "supplies water to 40 percent of the Midlands' 537,000 residents". Not because the residents wouldn't like herbicide in their drinking water, but because it would be bad for boats.

Ohio coping with troubled waters

Here's another one... 200 dead whitetail deer are expected in Ohio from epizootic hemorragic disease, which is spread by gnats and midges. I don't know what it does, but it sounds dreadful. Also included in the story, Dreaded Snakehead, Leaping Carp, and Deer AIDS references.

Ananova - Italian police arrest 15 for Osama links

All are Pakistani citizens. How many terrorists are there in Italy? I suppose it's good they're arresting them, but how many have been missed?

Yahoo! News - Nick Nolte Arrested For Alleged DUI

No, not Nick Nolte! He always seemed like such a straight arrow.

Reuters Wire | 09/11/2002 | Putin gives Georgia tough warning on rebels

It's a little premature, don't you think? Ole Miss looks tough, but they don't visit Athens until November, there are lots of games between now and then.

More Fun With Search Requests

Google Search: thomason cares

Because, really, I do.

Pathetic and Lonely Search Requests

Yahoo! Search Results for pics of jewish singles doctors in chicago

Just Plain Stupid Search Requests

Google Search: andrew sullivan, liberal

Two Palestinians killed in West Bank

Both were men, one 65 and one 35. But they were killed by Palestinians for being "collaborators", so that's okay.

AP Wire | 09/11/2002 | FBI agents return to do more investigative work at Hatfill's home

Remember, all you kids who want to be cops and FBI agents: If you can't find any evidence, but you're sure he's guilty, just keep ransacking his house until you find something illegal. Or just wait until Scalia finally kills the Miranda and the exclusionary rule, and beat it out of them.

Disturbing Canadian Search Requests II

Yahoo! Search Results for "montreal porn"

Apparently, I'm now a go-to site. Whatever.

Harris Makes Spidey His Own

Doogie Howser, the Spectacular Spider-Man!

Ananova - British Muslims remember Sept 11 and condemn attacks

Meanwhile, more mainstream people were in the Central Mosque and condemned the attacks and attackers.

"The world is well aware that those who carried out the attacks in the United States apparently attribute their actions to Islam itself.

"This attribution was, and continues to be, grossly offensive to the overwhelming majority of the three million Muslims in the UK and one billion Muslims across the globe who practise their religion peacefully and see no justification in the taking of innocent life."

Ananova - Standoff at controversial mosque conference

Meanwhile, the Weasel Bastard Sharia Boosters Club meeting in London (Motto: "Only One Person Traveling To The Meeting Has Been Arrested For Suspected Hijacking") is having problems. The WBSB can't get out of the mosque because they're surrounded by police, who are trying to keep a collection of Neo-Nazis and anti-Nazis and journalists away.

Journalists were also gathered outside after the mosque's leading cleric and leader of al-Muhajiroun, Omar Bakri Mohammed, appeared briefly outside to tell the media they were not allowed in. The entrance to the mosque was guarded by a group of Muslim youths covering their faces with headscarves.

Other youths hung banners from the windows of the mosque declaring "Islam the future for Britain".

Inside the mosque the "positive outcomes" of the terrorist attacks on the US a year ago today was one theme being discussed. Abu Hamza al-Masri, who lost one hand fighting in Afghanistan against the Soviets, also spoke.

Will someone please explain the difference between these folks and Louis Farrakhan, who can't enter Britain?

EU drafts preliminary tariff list of US goods - September 12, 2002

I would criticize their timing, but they're right on this one. The Bush tariffs are violations of world trade agreements we're supposed to back, not to mention the worst kind of pandering.

Remember, Democrats are the free trade party now.

AP Wire | 09/11/2002 | Pope: Terrorism Not Justified

And then he turns around and starts spouting off "root causes" rhetoric:

Decrying the "inhuman ferocity" of the Sept. 11 attacks, Pope John Paul II said Wednesday there was no justification for terrorism, but urged an end to the "scandalous" injustices that foment it.

Hey, Karol, what foments mass rape of children, huh?

Ananova - Suspicious powders delivered to US embassies

In Denmark and Italy, plus consulates in Germany. Probably a hoax.

'Osama aide Zawahiri recently married' : HindustanTimes.com

We have just the perfect gift for the happy trio. (Yes, he married two widows.) Ayman, if you're out there, just send your address to drumsfeld@defense.gov, and we'll get it to you pronto.

CNN.com - Flight diverted after passenger disturbance - September 11, 2002

A "number of men" (three were held for questioning) locked themselves in the bathroom during a Northwest flight. Crew members and passengers got them out, and the flight landed in Arkansas. (The destination was Vegas. There are some really p.o.'d passengers, I expect.) An anonymous "Senior White House Official" (Hi, Ari!) says the incident didn't appear to be terrorism, but we all know what that's worth. At any event, they're being questioned for "inappropriate behavior". That's not technically illegal, but we're all a little on edge here.

Fun With The Blogroll Translated Into Spanish

WarLiberal.com

Tom Mañana
Letra De Gotham
El Parecer De cristal
Suspicacias El Hacer furtivamente
¡Guerra Ahora!
Energía Máxima Y
Muchacho Combustible
Pequeño Balompié Verde
Belleza del gris
Ocupado Ocupado Ocupado
Qué Ella Realmente Piensa
Del Kuff
Archivo 13
Galés Mate

Russian officials claim credit for rain

You have to admit, that puts Presidents claiming credit for everything good that happens on their watch to shame. The Russian government claims it can control the weather! They have a box they're calling an "ionizer" that they say can create rain, and that they "used" to bring showers to clean up after forest fires.

The Salt Lake Tribune -- Police, Archaeologists Wary of Psychics' Theory of Smart Mystery

Do "psychics" actually try to be offensive, or is it some sort of special talent. The latest from the John Edward wannabes is that, not satisfied with exploiting the tragedy of Elizabeth Smart and her family, they convinced Salt Lake City detectives that her remains were in a Native American Burial Vault. Not only a huge waste of time but immensely insulting as well! Good job!

CBS News | Suspected Al Qaeda Killed In Pakistan | September 11, 2002 09:29:01

Who says there's no good news?

Department of Capital Punishment For Capital Punishment's Sake

Pryor, lawyer argue death case effects

The latest from the bozo we call an Attorney General of the State of Alabama... The United States Supreme Court has ruled that death sentences must be imposed by a jury, that judges can not make the decision. Under Alabama law, the jury makes the decision, but the judge can change it if he sees fit. Bobby Wayne Waldrop killed his grandfather and grandmother in 1998. He was found guilty, but the jury decided, 10-2, to sentence him to life without parole. The judge changed the ruling to a death sentence. To me, SCOTUS' opinion would seem on-point. Not to Bill Pryor, who is apparently trying out for a spot in the Justice Department in the Jeb Bush administration:

Alabama's death penalty law is unaffected by the Ring decision because, unlike the Arizona law, it doesn't permit the judge to elevate a defendant's crime, Pryor said. Instead, he said, it requires a jury to decide whether a defendant is guilty of capital murder and, if so, the defendant is eligible for the death penalty.

I'm sorry, doesn't that mean that the jury would have the choice of either finding him not guilty or sending him to death, no in-between unless there's an lesser charge included? I don't think the Supremes will go for that. Well, maybe Rehnquist.

Disturbing Kiwi Search Requests

Google Search: debates Foreigners shouldn't be allowed to buy New Zealand land

I'm the first hit.

Fired officers reinstated, back on duty

Rights? What are those?

The officers arrested Michael Williams in the 2200 block of Seventh Avenue North on Oct. 27, 2000, for an outstanding warrant on unauthorized use of a vehicle. They drove him to a nearby alley and Washington then sprayed tear gas on the handcuffed man when he refused to tell them his name, police officials said.

The officers proceeded to the city jail until Williams told them he was a mental patient. At that point, the officers released him because they didn't want to have to wait for the mandatory psychiatric examination at Cooper Green Hospital.

Instead, they drove Williams to Morris Avenue to release him. There, police said, Washington shoved Williams against the patrol car and threw his money on the ground as he ran away.

Hey, what's wrong with that? Next thing you know, you'll say we can't beat confessions out of them!

Area tops ozone limit; restrictions to continue

Birmingham was hoping to get off of the Federal list of Clean Air Act violators for ozone pollution. But a violation was recorded yesterday and the limits will continue. What limits?

The Birmingham area has been in violation of ozone standards since 1978. Under current rules, no new polluting industries can locate in Jefferson or Shelby counties without even greater reductions in pollution elsewhere. Economic development officials estimate the area has lost at least $2 billion in capital investment and 11,000 new jobs because of the ozone pollution.

Conservative: "That damned Clean Air Act costs jobs! And money!"

Liberal (Me): "I like being able to breathe. How about figuring out how to not pollute the air, then we won't have a problem."

ABCNEWS.com : Two-Headed Turtle Found

In Florida. Jeb can breathe easy and get back to figuring out how to keep his daughter out of jail, though:

Anne Meylan, a researcher with the Florida Marine Research Institute in St. Petersburg, said the two-headed creature likely is a natural occurrence, not caused by chemicals or any other outside influence.

Ananova - Carlos the Jackal admires Osama bin Laden

Well, gosh. If such a swell guy as Carlos the Jackal admires him, maybe I've been wrong about Osama all along.

BBC NEWS | In Depth | Israel and the Palestinians | profiles | Arafat: Flawed symbol of Palestine

Yes, Yasser has his problems. But he's basically a great guy! According to the BBC, anyway.

I had to write something, and it was the post below. It's long and self-indulgent, so feel free to skip it. Now back to what passes for normal around here.

I was annoyed.

I don’t normally listen to the radio or watch television when I wake up. I just have a buzzer alarm. Get up, get ready, get to work. It’s a Tuesday, and like most Tuesdays I don’t have to be at work until 9, so I grab an extra hour of sleep. I turn on the car radio and the CD player starts, like it usually does in the morning for no reason I can tell. I play one song then turn it off, hoping to find something worth listening to.

And I get annoyed, because someone is talking. Changed the station, someone still talking. Do it again, more talk. Weird, those aren’t the usual morning idiots. They’re talking about fire at the World Trade Center. I think, “It must be the anniversary of the bombing.” Then they say a plane has hit a building, and I think, “You mean, like a Cessna. I heard about that sort of thing happening. I hope it isn’t too bad.”

Then he says that this morning, a passenger jet hit one of the towers. And then, at some time later, another jet hit the the other. “Terrorism is suspected.”

Then, and this is the part I remember most clearly, the anchor is talking to someone on the phone, from Washington. And the guy on the phone says, “I was looking out the window, towards the Pentagon, and I just saw a plane go down. I think a plane has hit the Pentagon.”

…

I get to work, and I say, “Did you hear what happened?” to everyone. Of course they did. They got the little TV set up in the boss’ office and they’re looking at the news. Both buildings are on fire. And then they played the clip of the second plane hitting.

I go to the Internet, and of course all the big news sites are clogged. But I get the details.

There are rumors all around, and the news people on the radio and TV are reporting them. There are four planes still missing. They say a plane went down in a field in Pennsylvania, and I say, “It must be a coincidence. Why would terrorists crash a plane in a field in Pennsylvania?” Terrorists wouldn’t, of course. It would be days before we were sure what happened.

I go to work in my little room, and I play music, because I can’t take it any more. After an hour or so, I step outside and try to get an update. And the TV is playing more footage. I can’t tell what’s going on, and somebody tells me that the towers have come down.

…

The reporters are saying we should stay off the long distance lines except for emergencies. I’m lucky, nobody I knew was in the WTC or the Pentagon, nobody happened to be flying in the Northeast. I know some people in Washington. Rationally, I know they wouldn’t have been in any danger, but I’m not thinking very rationally. My stepmother is in Florida, but she flies a lot. I hope she’s okay, and didn’t get trapped in an airport somewhere.

Email is working, so I send out some mail. And I can’t take the news, but I can’t not listen any more. I think, “Osama bin Laden probably did this,” and the news people are saying that he’s the prime suspect. But then I keep thinking. Maybe it was drugs, maybe Colombians were involved. Or Palestinians. Someone says the Palestinian Liberation Front claimed responsibility. Whoever did this, I know they’re going to pay for it.

…

People say that things would never be normal again. I know that’s foolish. Eventually, there will be “normal”. Maybe it won’t be the same normal we had before, but we’ll adjust. People are good at that. But we won’t forget.


Taken at a ceremony for the victims of the USS Cole bombing, October of 2000.

Israel: 'Bin Laden' lighters, arms in container headed for PA

Yes, the Palestinian Authority really deserves its own state. Israel intercepted a shipment containing not only weapons, but cigarette lighters depicting Osama. The shipment was marked "toys".

The lighter is ignited by flicking a switch near an American flag, and then a flame comes out of bin Laden's head, the official explained. The lighter could be viewed - by appointment - at the Government Press Office, a statement said.

Vermin.

More cities looking at implementing occupation tax

Ah, the occupational tax. Which you pay in the city in which you work, rather than the one you live. And which is totally regressive, half a percent or more out of your salary. Then there's the sales taxes, usually about ten percent, which are levied on everything and which are of course also totally regressive. I hate the occupational tax, but the sales tax is even worse. This state's tax system makes me vomit.

Riley and Siegelman duel at mudslinging Web sites

Bob Riley hates Don Siegelman.

Don Siegelman hates Bob Riley.

Childish? Yes. Effective? Not really. So really, it's in keeping with the race so far.

Threat Raises Terror Alert Level to High (washingtonpost.com)

Just like the President's niece!

Reuters Wire | 09/10/2002 | Cheney Moves to Secret Location, Cancels Appearance

Is it just me, or does he drop out of sight every time the Halliburton stuff starts getting attention? I'm sure it's just me.

CNNSI.com - Pro Football - MNF ratings remain steady despite Madden's debut - Tuesday September 10, 2002 04:08 PM

Duh. John Madden is great, but people don't tune in to hear the announcers. They tune in for the game. Announcers might get them to tune out. I'll throw in that last year's season premiere featured a team from the nation's largest market that was also a defending conference champion, the New York Giants.

Yahoo! News - Cartoon Network Inks 'Futurama' Rerun Rights

Hmm. It will go in the "Adult Swim" block of cartoons on Sunday nights.

Ananova - Arafat's Fatah movement to prevent attacks on Israelis

BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Unless "prevent" is meant in an unusual sense of "routinely perpetrate", or if there's a different "Arafat" with a different "Fatah movement", I'll believe it when I see it. Over the course of months. And even then I'll be skeptical.

However, in a three-page leaflet Fatah said it would continue resisting Israel's occupation of the West Bank and Gaza.

The leaflet did not specifically say that attacks in these areas would continue, but the word resistance is usually taken to mean that.

See, that I believe.

Mercury News | 09/10/2002 | Police find cocaine on Florida Governor Bush's daughter

At her rehab center, which is doing a great job. I guess the conservatives are right and treatment doesn't work! She was immediately charged, thrown in jail, and is expected to spend 20 years in prison.

No, sorry, that's in the Bizarro Universe where rich white girls and poor black kids are treated the same no matter what form of cocaine they're found with. In this universe, she'll probably wind up in another treatment program.

At least 80 killed in train derailment in northeastern India

This is not an accident, it appears. Sabotage by Maoist rebels is suspected. Communist terrorists. I can't say that I'm surprised that Maoists would kill innocent people, only that there are any left.

Panel hears proposed constitution changes

The dreadful Alabama Constitution needs reform, or out and out replacement. Almost everyone agrees with this except for (a) rich people, who are afraid of the tax structure being made progressive, (b) religious fanatics, who think that the state will turn into Nevada if ordinary people got a say in it, and (c) bigots, who like the fact that it's a Jim Crow document even if the US Constitution makes all that moot. That's still a pretty powerful lobby right there, so I'm not betting on anything happening.

Both candidates for governor have endorsed constitutional reform, but differ on how to go about it. Republican nominee Bob Riley advocates targeted amendments drafted by a commission, then voted on by the Legislature and the people. Democratic Gov. Don Siegelman favors a complete rewrite through a citizens' constitutional convention.

Siegelman, for once, is absolutely right, and Riley is as usual mostly wrong. Riley is of course a rich person, (even if he wants to fix the tax system and make it fairer to poor people!) and at least something of a fanatic. (I don't think he's actually a bigot, even if he is an Alabama Republican.) But he, like most of the people in charge of the state, is terrified of what a citizens' convention might come up with. I particularly recall the lobbyists who denounced an provision that would bar lobbyists and state legislators from the convention.

City officer enters guilty plea in gambling case, resigns job

Two years ago this officer was fired for police brutality. Then the firing was overturned and changed to a suspension. And then they gave him back pay for the suspension. Now he's resigned over a conviction for running a gambling operation. Because gambling is worse than beating people up. I mean, just ask Pete Rose.

Toyota eyeing Alabama

Among several other Southern states ("Southern labor: Not as cheap as Mexican, but it's competitive!") for a new assembly plant. Alabama already has Mercedes and Honda plants, and Toyota has an engine plant near Huntsville. Apparently Alabama is now the go-to state for foreign automakers. Go figure.

From the Ichthypundit

New adult snakehead pulled from pond

This one was 27 inches, the longest yet by an inch. They've found more than 800 of them so far! How many fish did that guy dump in there?

How do you determine the age of a snakehead? Check their ear bones. Did you know that fish had ears?

That's the second item. Third item:

Search begins for Bonhomme Richard

Divers off Yorkshire are searching for John Paul Jones' ship. That being the founder of the American Navy, not the bass player for Led Zeppelin.

Tragedy at TOR

Osama bin Laden confirmed dead. Well "Osama bin Laden" is, I don't know about the real one.

Teach children to stop hating broccoli

Yes, but can you get them to actually like it? Or will you be okay with simple neutrality? I find the best way to stop hating broccoli is to cover it with cheese or stir-fry it with beef.

There's a real question here. Is something tasting good objective or subjective? That is, do people like sugar and fat and other things that are "bad" for them because they really do taste good, or because people have been trained to? Anyway, the Canadian person in question seems to come down on the side of subjectivity. She thinks you can train kids to like broccoli. Yeah, right.

Fun With Search Requests

Google Search: catholic web hosters in new york city

I can't imagine why anyone would need a web hosting service that catered particularly to Catholics.

Fun with Finnish Search Requests

Google-haku: "mohammed atta" AND asshole

Man arrested for driving truck into TV news cameraman

Obviously, running over a cameraman is just wrong. He should have tried to run over the reporter.

A balcony collapsed at a Tuscaloosa area apartment building last week. The man is an employee of the company that owns the apartment building -- actually, it's "Sherrill Realty" and his last name is Sherrill, so I guess he's either a part-owner or a relative -- and the station was taping at the site. So he was trying to run them off the property, not run them over, I guess.

Indo-Pak war likely if US invades Iraq: Pak

If you're saying that American pressure is the only reason India hasn't wiped the abortion that is Pakistan from the map and finally unified northwest India with the rest of the country... well, that doesn't say much for your army or your vaunted nuclear capability, does it?

Arafat irks Palestinians, hedges on key reforms
Rambling address stops short of ordering truce

You mean Yasser didn't give up his power? Or try to stop the killing? No! I mean, he seemed so reasonable.

Reading the story, even other Palestinians are finding Yasser the Weasel to be boring, pointless, and irrelevant. I guess that's progress.

CNN.com - Switzerland prepares to join U.N. - September 9, 2002

Last year, Deiss watched gloomily from the observer seats, sandwiched between the Vatican and Palestinian delegations, as other ministers took to the stage to condemn terrorism. From now on, Switzerland will occupy a more permanent place -- between Sweden and Syria, according to the U.N. alphabetic list.

Let's face it, if you were sitting between a potential suicide bomber and a potential rapist, you'd be glum too. But it's a big ol' anti-Semitic family reunion in the high S's! Let's see, the Syrians can kill Jews, the Swiss can take their money, and the Swedes condemn them for fighting back. (Via Laurence Simon.)

Amazon.com: Books

They're still trying to sell me Harry Potter books. I'm still not interested. Just stop!

AP Wire | 09/09/2002 | Rare plant found in Missouri Ozarks

A population of "Virginia sneezeweed" has been found in Missouri. I don't really have anything to say, I just wanted to type "Virginia sneezeweed".

Save Farscape

Let's.

The Scotsman - International - Siege as French apocalypse cult plans voyage to Venus

They might kill themselves ala Heaven's Gate. Or heck, maybe the aliens will show up and take them to Venus. Whatever, as long as it means fewer French people, I'm in favor.

ABCNEWS.com : Al Qaeda Graves Believed to Hold Curing Powers

A cemetary near Kandahar is now a gathering spot for morons. Living and dead. Actually, this is worse news than the usual stupidity. We don't need a martyr cult springing up around the al-Q bastards.

BBC NEWS | England | Explorers close to proving Yeti existed

Uh-huh. And next, they're going to move on to leprechauns and fairies. Oh, sorry, that will have to wait:

Next year, the trio plan a trip to the Gobi Desert in search of the Mongolian Death Worm, a 7ft snake which is reputed among natives to cut a person dead with one look.

I mean, why would anyone doubt the existence of that?

Ursula K. Le Guin: Note on the remake of Lathe of Heaven

She says she had nothing to do with it and knows nothing about it. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. I didn't watch it.

This Is Not The Real World

Aaron Sorkin admits that The West Wing kind of sucked last year. He promises he'll do better.

Away from it all

If you want to avoid the nonstop Sept.11 coverage on Wednesday, but still want to watch TV, there are some options. A number of cable channels will show normal programming. Cartoon Network, TV Land, Sci-Fi, Comedy Central, Food Network, Lifetime and HGTV are among them. TNN is showing a Star Trek marathon.

One $30 Million Happy Meal, to Go (washingtonpost.com)

ABC, in a desperate attempt to ward off complete irrelevance and/or Disney simply shutting the network down because there's no point, has entered into an agreement where McDonald's will promote promote its 8-9 PM (ET/PT) shows on tray liners, bags, posters, and so forth. They're calling it the "Happy Hour", which is probably a bad idea since that just makes people think of drinking. And then you see ABC's programming and you wish you were drunk. Presumably you won't want to drink on an empty stomach so you'll swing through the drive-thru on the way.

(UPDATE: Laurence Simon tap-dances on ABC's grave:

Um... Happy Hour? That's a bar term. You know, alcohol. And that's family fare?

Lovely.

Wait... McDonalds... Happy Meals... Happy Hour... will they be replacing Coke with Schlitz in the meals now? Heck, if you Super Size, do you get a Colt .45 40-ouncer?

There's lots more good stuff over there at F13. Unlike at ABC.)

The stupid Sci-Fi Channel has cancelled Farscape. They'd actually committed to a fifth season, but used an escape clause to get out of it. And in their usual attempt to screw things up, they waited until the last minute, so the producers won't have a chance to wrap things up.

Here's the party line. You know, those "efforts to reach a broader audience" included removing it from the schedule to show B-movies for months on end and (most recently) cutting the fourth season in half and (instead of repeats) taking the show completely off the air until January. Way to build the audience.

TeeVee gave a share of its Best Hour Show Award to Farscape today.

Pointless Activities Department

Shrimpers plan suit against Vietnam

Not that many attorneys wouldn't love to make a defendant out of the People's Republics (China is another potential defendant), but suing them for "dumping" shellfish seems stupid to me. Of course, I'm in favor of free trade and what these guys want is another tariff. The biggest problem is that American shrimpers are too good at what they do and there aren't as many shrimp in the Gulf anymore. Moreover, Asian shrimp aren't being "dumped" in the sense that they're being sold below cost. They're just cheaper, because they're farm-raised.

Courts see new money crisis

Alabama courts are likely -- for the second year running -- to run out of money sometime next year, and then will suspend jury trials. Because, you know, these people are criminals, and who cares about their rights?

Security vs. Freedoms: Some sacrifice favored; Most Kentuckians worry about future terrorist strike

68 percent of Kentucky residents polled by the Louisville Courier-Journal said that Americans would give up some freedoms to be more secure. (Here's the poll data.) They weren't actually asked if they favored this, from what I can tell, but I'd guess they don't mind. Of course, there's a huge difference between having to wait in longer lines and allowing the FBI to bust down your door or wiretap your phone whenever it wants.

Cooler head doesn't prevail in attempted robbery

A Georgia crook tried to disguise his identity during a convenience store robbery by wearing a styrofoam cooler on his head.

The man began giving orders, but a clerk told police that with the cooler over his head, she couldn't understand what Pavlich was saying.

CNN.com - Environmentalists: Nanotechnology risky - September 8, 2002

Of course... I've found that the difference between myself and this subset of my fellow environmentalists is that they think of technology as causing problems, while I tend to look at technology as a two-edged sword, causing problems and solutions. Nanotech may create new types of contaminants which will be difficult to remove with current technology. I'll grant that. But it seems to me that it's a problem that will lead to its own solution, that what nanotech creates nanotech will remove.

The Luddite elements of the environmental movement can't accept that, because it is dogma to them that science and technology only make things worse. Consider this group, an "environmentalist" organization that is based upon opposition to genetically modified food. They only see that GM food could be a health concern, plus they have a superstitious dread of interference with the "natural" order. That every plant or animal in question is the result of thousands of years of human tinkering through selection and cross-breeding, not to mention billions of years of evolution, doesn't enter their minds. Nor do they realize that higher-yield plants, and plants that can live in areas made marginal through overfarming, would potentially keep people from having to destroy what's left of the world's wilderness just to feed themselves. Or that making grains more nutritious might make vegetarianism (for those attracted to it) more doable. They only see the difficulties, not the opportunities.

Luddite environmentalists think technology will destroy the Earth. Technophile environmentalists like myself -- and I think we are the majority, if (to use a phrase of uncomfortable origin) a silent one -- believe technology will save it. Mankind has never lived in harmony with nature. But now at least we can see the effects of what we're doing, and start to correct problems. And I think nanotech could be the magic bullet that lets us repair what we've damaged. At the least, it should lessen the footprint left in the Earth by the weight of six billion people.

Cheney Defends His Role as CEO At Halliburton (washingtonpost.com)

"Hey, I knew there were going to be lawsuits and that we were going to lose them. I just figured we'd stick the insurance company with the bill. Oh, and 'tort reform', I'm a big fan of that. Why should innocent multinational corporations be forced to pay greedy people who breathed in air that included corporation property?"

Ananova - Jerry Lewis collapses backstage at London Palladium

I knew he was still alive, because I saw him on Larry King last week. But he certainly didn't look well. He has pulmonary fibrosis and is in "excruciating pain".

Cue "Sundown".

Yahoo! News - Singer Gordon Lightfoot in Hospital

To be honest, this is another one of those people I thought was already dead.

CNN.com - Al-Jazeera: U.S. nuke plants considered for 9/11 attacks - September 8, 2002

And hey, al-J is certainly a reliable news source... I'm not sure why they wouldn't, except that they're dumb. They're big on the symbolic attack, but flying a loaded airplane into a nuclear power plant would seem to be a good way to do massive damage.

New tunes from 'Left Eye'

Aiiieee! It's an undead rapper! Which, come to think of it isn't that unusual. When's the next Tupac Shakur album out? (Second item.)

CNN.com - Iran tests ballistic missile - September 7, 2002

Oh, what a happy day this is!

Oh, I just wanted to share this about an earlier Iranian missile:

The Shahab-3 is believed to be based on North Korea's No Dong ballistic missile.

"No Dong?" Yikes.

Swindle recieves award

"Swindle" is the last name of the Tuscaloosa chief of police. Reassuring name, yes?