War

If the various superpowers attempt to infringe upon my territory, let it be known that I am well armed and will not go the way of Belgium. Hence:



And do not make the mistake of thinking I have only one. I am well armed:

I was sad until I met a man with no shoes, so I set a shoe warehouse on fire

Officer says shoe warehouse fire meant as attack on homeless man

Apparently, the idea was to set the man's belongings on fire, but they overshot a little and burned a million pairs of shoes. Oops! Apparently, the homeless man, "Bessemer Bo", had beaten a woman up a few weeks prior, so the woman and her boyfriend decided to retaliate.

If it isn't working, change the name

New name sought for Cooper Green

Why change the name of the Cooper Green hospital in Birmingham?

The Jefferson Metrocare change is part of Cooper Green's efforts to attract patients with insurance and to improve the hospital's overall appeal, said Dr. Sandral Hullet, Cooper Green's chief executive.

"We're trying to change things and make it more inviting," Hullet said of the renovations. "Cooper Green has a stigma that people who go there have no money, and that's not necessarily true."

Actually, it does have a stigma -- that people who check in there are awfully prone to never checking out, except by checking out, if you catch my meaning. The basic point is that nobody goes to Cooper Green if they have a choice in the matter, and they can change the name to the Mayo Clinic and that won't change.

Good for him

David Thomas draws kitchen duty at Metro Jail

About time he did something productive, and those cleaning supplies will come in handy when he wants to make jailhouse wine in his toilet.

"Groups", they say

Rival groups injure at least 6 in Moundville - Tuscaloosa

Someone opened fire with "assault-style weapons" upon a birthday party. The story calls it a "wannabe gang" but they seem to have the basics of gang behavior down pretty well. Apparently, tensions between a group of Moundville residents and another group from the town of Akron have been building for some time, but good God.

Is nothing sacred?

Three charged with stealing Coca-Cola trade secrets | ajc.com

They tried to sell them to Pepsi, though apparently we're dealing with a new product and not the secret formula.

And they were doing such a great job

CIA disbands unit set up to hunt for bin Laden

I mean, they never actually found him, but they hunted for him a lot. Presumably.

Seems reasonable

Chron.com | European Union Urges Fewer Fish Catches

One day, maybe, I will understand how fishermen can claim that their "way of life" is threatened not by the destruction of fish stocks but by their preservation. Lumbermen (with "trees" for "fish") too. Seems to me if the stocks are destroyed, their way of life is pretty much out the window.

Hurricanes causing more problems

Drought sparking more fires

Apparently, Hurricane Ivan left a bunch of timber lying on the floor of the state's various forests. When it gets really dry, that timber is primed to carry forest fires. What with our new climate, the only way we'll get enough rain to damp that is... another hurricane. Oh, dear.