CNN.com - Tiny flying robots: Future masters of espionage - July 27, 2002

I don't know if James Bond will be as cool when he's a tiny flying robot.

Klan won't hold march in Butler
Spokesman cites lack of participation by fellow Klan leaders

Is this great, or what? I think we might actually be seeing the last days of the Klan. They can't even hold a march unless three or four groups get together, and the groups can't get together.

Doctor with Mobile ties finds HIV, skin cancer link

HIV-positive women can spread a virus that causes Kaposi's Sarcoma via sex, even if they don't spread HIV. I'd always thought Kaposi's generally only inflicted those with weakened immune systems, though.

DA's office receives crime gun funding

Mobile got a grant from the Justice Department to investigate illegal and unlicensed guns and to prosecute offenders. Does the NRA know about this?

West Nile infects 12 in southern United States - 7/26/2002 - ENN.com

West Nile virus has sickened 12 people in the United States — all but one of them in Louisiana — as it takes a permanent hold in parts of the southeast, federal health officials said Thursday.

"A permanent hold"! That's just great! I mean it, I'm never going outside again.

Herpes virus sparks warning: Cook fish well - JULY 28, 2002

Apparently, in Java you can get herpes from uncooked or undercooked fish. Yikes. I'm going to send this story to everyone who ever tried to make me eat sushi.

news.telegraph.co.uk - Scientists seek poison to cull Frankenfish

Great Moments in Link Writing

The boys at the Telegraph came up with "Boffins to cull danger fish". I love the English. Especially when they write DCSWF/M stories making use of the Fifties-horror-film imagery together with words like "fortnight".

Arafat Disappointed With Resolution (washingtonpost.com)

My heart bleeds. Oh, and why? Because we'll veto it if attacks by Palestinians aren't condemned. Because those are okay. Asshole.

The Nando Times: Hawaii lava flow draws thousands of spectators

I would say that this would be a good example of how people are stupid, but frankly, I think seeing a huge lava flow would be cool.

CNN.com - N.J. priests arrested in Canadian sex case. - July 27, 2002

So, the Pope goes to Toronto for "World Youth Day". And meanwhile, in Montreal...

First W. Nile Case Found in S.D.

South Dakota?!? It's everywhere!

washingtonpost.com: Gone Fission: The 'Nuclear' Worm

The WP finally is on the Vietnamese Nuclear Worm That Carries Cholera story, long after me and the Baltimore Sun.

Order Pizza Online at Papa Johns Pizza.

In my current crippled condition, I have no choice but to order pizza. I mean, I could go to the store and hobble around and buy groceries, but it's really not good for my ankle. So I'm doing this for my health, really.

No human infections reported so far in state

"So far". As in, eventually, someone is going to get bitten by a West Nile carrying skeeter. I'm taking the simple precaution of never going outside.

82 birds in 17 counties so far. And summer has a long time yet to go.

Marshall welding solution for shuttles

Engineers in Huntsville think they have a good welding technique to fix the fuel line cracks that have grounded the shuttle fleet. I dunno, it seems to me that figuring out why they cracked in the first place is the most important thing, and I still haven't heard anything about that.

Ananova - Soldier claims witchcraft put fish hook in his stomach

Also four two-inch nails. I dunno, I always thought magic didn't work on iron. Well, on anything, since it doesn't exist, but especially iron.

Dozens of dead pigeons found near Parkway; toxin suspected

So, you're driving home on Friday, and what do you see? Well, if you live in Huntsville, it was dozens of dead or dying pigeons. Some way to start a weekend.

washingtonpost.com: Md. War On Fish Just Might Get Ugly

Looks like the Snakehead-lovers at the Post are worried about the consequences of the War on the DCSWF/M. Of course, it is starting to sound a little Vietnamish...

Experts recommended this process: Spray glyphosate (also known as Rodeo and Roundup) on the water to kill floating vegetation. Pump diquat dibromide (Reglone or Reward) or 2,4-D (a widely used herbicide) into the water to kill underwater plants.

Then wait. Within several days, the plants will start to turn brown. Within a week or two, the vegetation will die and sink to the bottom of the pond. Native fish will begin dying as well, as the oxygen drains from the pond.

Within two weeks, crews ought to be ready to douse the pond with rotenone, working their way in boats from from the edges of the pond toward the middle, giving the fish no avenue of escape.

Maybe I'm being trite comparing a national tragedy to this silly little story, but defoliation, followed by sending in the troops? What does that sound like to you?

Reuters Wire | 07/27/2002 | Iran Leader Says Would Make U.S. Regret Any Attack

Actually, we weren't planning on attacking Iran any time soon, but now that you mention it, it sounds like a pretty good idea! Thanks!

I figure this was just some sort of bluster for domestic political consumption. And when we don't attack -- because we don't have any intention of it -- Khameinei can take credit, if he hasn't been strung up by a mob in the meantime.

Ananova - Zimbabwe threatens to ban some British officials

Because top British officials are all aching to travel to impoverished, famine-stricken, despot-ridden Zimbabwe.

Can Meryl Yourish conquer her summer cold and post 48 times in 24 hours?

Can Laurence Simon post 48 times in 24 hours? If he does, how long will it take to load his page at the end of the day?

And it's all in a good cause.

'Start fishing for the snakehead to save nature' - JULY 27, 2002

A Chinese expert says that there are two ways to beat the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish: Either catch them all, or drain the pond. He also says that the DCSWF can jump high enough that breeders have to raise the edges of their ponds 50 centimeters. That's a little more than a foot and a half in non-made-up units.

For Rob Lowe, these are the good old days

General reaction to Lowe leaving The West Wing: "What are you, stupid?" Especially the bit about being upset he didn't get a raise when he's the second-highest-paid actor on the show. Say hi to Judd Nelson for me, Rob.

IOL : Horror 'walking razor fish' has healing hand

In Singapore, they like the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish. They eat it, in soup or stir-fried. They wear protective gear when harvesting it, though. And they say it can only wriggle around on the ground during the rainy season.

He said it fights back when being harvested. If the fish strikes a person on the face or chest, it could cause some bleeding but the wound is not likely to be serious, he added.

"It doesn't attack humans unless it's hungry and you fall into the pond," Koh was quoted as saying.

You know, just like flounder.

Ashcroft weighs Spann request
Slain CIA agent's family wants to testify for Lindh sentencing

It seems only reasonable, but the government maybe doesn't want to be embarrassed by a hero's family standing up in court and saying that the government let them down by letting his possible murderer plead to get a 20-year sentence. I mean, consider what Spann's father is saying:

"I heard President Bush say that we were not going to negotiate with terrorists and in fact I say we've done that," Spann said. "This is a slap in the face to not only Mike and his family but to every other American who died in Afghanistan and the people who died on Sept. 11."

Gee.

Conservative group says its process server was threatened with arrest when he tried to serve Cheney

1. Gosh, I don't know why anyone would call the Bush Administration arrogant, or think it thinks it's above the law. Do you?

2. So much for Judicial Watch not being called "Conservative" anymore, huh?

JW seems a little surprised. Seems the Clinton Adminstration would just send someone out to pick up the papers. But it's Clinton who thought he was above the law.

Drug agents descend on 2 counties' marijuana

It's not like the Drug War imagery went away with the actual war, vis:

Drug agents launched a two-day assault Thursday on marijuana growers in Jefferson and Tuscaloosa counties, scouting the lucrative green plants by air and then sending in ground troops to pull and destroy.

The State of Alabama can't even promise that there will be courts open to hold trials, and we know there's not enough prison space for these dangerous criminals. But hey, they destroyed a bunch of pot! That's worthwhile, right?

Ananova - Hunters on trail of mere monster

An enormous fish has attacked at least two swans in Lancashire. Maybe. The people hunting it sound like crackpots. The report says it's a catfish, but you know what I think is responsible.

The Nando Times: Jennifer Lopez files divorce papers

Didn't she just get married like a month ago? Oh, it was ten months. Clearly, it just wasn't working out. Sheesh.

I'm back from the pharmacy, armed with powerful prescription anti-inflammatories. If I start hallucinating news stories, bear with me.

Rape victim ordered to take drug test

This is somewhat reprehensible, yes? A district court judge -- who should be impeached -- ordered it, and the higher circuit court judge has ordered the sample held for possible testing but none to be done now.

Palestinian Gunmen Kill Four Israelis in West Bank

Here we go again. Apparently, this is all justified, according to the Palestinians' apologists. I don't see it, myself.

So, remember yesterday, when I said I twisted my ankle? Turned out it's a fairly major sprain. I spent the last three hours in the grip of modern American medical care, and while luckily I don't have any new orifices and my various bodily fluids are still okay, I do have a rather large splint/cast on my ankle. Luckily, it's removable. I should be okay in a couple of weeks. Again, this will teach me to move at anything faster than a shuffle.

Gibraltar poll plan angers Britain

The Brits are weird. The people of Gibraltar are saying they don't want to be Spanish, and they're going to hold a referendum on the joint sovereignty agreement that Britain and Spain negotiated. The British response is that this "short-circuits democracy".

Rome Debates Mystery of Dead Fish in Mighty Tiber

The Tiber isn't really that mighty, is it? I mean, it's like 80 miles long. Around here, we call that a creek. Anyway, experts still don't know what's killing the fish there. Guys, if you find out, call Maryland, okay?

So you're a lonely guy, somewhere in Western or Central Asia -- at any rate, in the UTC+5 time zone, which includes India and the 'Stans, and a lot of Russia. It's about midnight, so you search for "Busty Arabs". And you wind up here. Has to be a disappointment.

Amazingly, I have the only site Google returns for that. The porn community should be ashamed of itself.

Frontier Justice, Department Store Style

Dillard's manager fired after alleged stabbing

A department store manager has been fired following allegations he recently stabbed a woman while apprehending her for shoplifting.

So, he catches this 18-year-old young woman, trying to make a run for it. He sees her reach into her pocket, decides she has a weapon, pulls out a pocketknife and cuts her. Why was he carrying a knife?

See, this is why I don't exercise. I was just jogging up a ramp and I twisted my ankle. Frankly, I shouldn't be allowed out of bed.

It can not possibly be only 2:30.

Army boss speaks at Armed Forces event today
Thomas White recently under fire for past role at failed Enron Corp.

It seems that if the Administration wants to get someone out of town because of business scandals, they send him to Alabama. Cheney was in Montgomery earlier this week, and today it's Thomas White. Actually, the President himself was in Birmingham just a couple of weeks ago. It's entirely possible that this is seen as some sort of obscure punishment for the corporate wrongdoers, or more likely for the reporters who keep hounding them.

Subcommittee gives Space Launch Initiative $729M

The project is based at Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville. The appropriation was announced by -- you guessed it -- the senior Senator from Alabama, Richard "Benedict" Shelby. I wouldn't call this pork, exactly. Heck, I'm in favor of space research, always have been. It's interesting, that's all.

Shelby isn't even up for re-election, and if he were he has tons of money and nobody will mount a serious campaign against him. I wonder why he didn't let Jeff Sessions, who is up for re-election and does have a serious challenger, get some attention.

Is there life after death on 'Buffy'?
Amber Benson sure hopes so

Benson, who played (plays?) Tara on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, is a Birmingham native, and the News interviewed her when she passed through town.

"As of right now, I'm really dead," a perky, very much alive Benson says between bites of a tomato, mozzarella and basil salad at Bottega Cafe. "But on `Buffy,' one minute you're dead, the next minute you're giving birth to some horrible creature."

I don't think that's happened yet on the show, but is probably inevitable. Joss Whedon has said that Benson would be back, but Tara won't.

I like Tapped, but this post is off the wall. The US isn't going to sign the land mine ban, for various reasons. I don't know if they're good or not, I go back and forth. But signing the ban wouldn't be "somewhat symbolic", but completely symbolic, and would do absolutely nothing for the people of Afghanistan, where the only places there aren't land mines are where the ones there have recently blown up. If you want a land mine ban, find another case.

The textile tariff, of course, is a different matter, and economically and morally indefensible.

It can't possibly only be one o'clock.

South Korea investigates 'cloned embryo' claim

To be honest, I don't think they have a cloned, emplanted human embryo. That's just a gut reaction, based on the fact that the backers are the goofy Raelian cult, and are given to wild claims. Korea doesn't have a cloning ban, and they say the implant was done outside South Korea, though the story doesn't say where...

Consider Me Factchecked

As Kevin points out, the group mentioned in this post is the Family Policy Network, not the Family Police Network. There was a typo in the original story, but that name was so good I probably should have checked it. My bad.

Opposition leader questioned over threat to Mugabe

If I'm reading this correctly, what he did was advocate Mugabe's removal. Which -- if I'm not mistaken -- is pretty much what opposition leaders are supposed to do, right? He was questioned for two hours, then released.

SI SCORES, RETAINS RICK REILLY COLUMN

I wouldn't pay Rick Reilly to wash my car. AOL/TW is giving him $900K a year and at least eight columns a year in Time. Personally, I wish he'd stick to that, and not write about sports, which he clearly doesn't like.

Snakeheads illustrate "invasive species" threat

Now the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish can "slither across land and eat virtually every small animal it encounters", which makes it sound like we should all bring our pets and small children indoors. (Though it's presumably only a matter of time before the DCSWF learns how to operate a doorknob.) This is the first DCSWF story I've seen to mention kudzu, the bane of just about every property owner in the South. It covers buildings. Seriously; an abandoned building in a semi rural area can turn into an overgrown ruin in months and an apparent (to casual observers) hill in a year.

This paragraph is for Terry Oglesby:

Importation of the brushtail possum was banned earlier this month. A voracious marsupial, it is a carrier of bovine tuberculosis and can inflict damage on forests and native species, the Wildlife Service said. Native to Australia, 200 brushtail possums brought to New Zealand have now multiplied to 70 million and spread over 95 percent of the country.

NASA To Study Lightning Storms Using High-Flying Uninhabited Vehicle

So when the next wave of UFO sightings hits, you'll know what it really is. The "Altus" flies at a low speed (80-115 MPH) and has a 55-foot wingspan.

Milosevic in "serious risk'' of heart attack, U.N. medical examination finds

At the risk of being called bigoted against Serbians... HOORAY! Die, you murdering bastard, die.

Palestinian Gunmen [sic] Kill Rabbi to Avenge Israeli Strike

Once again, the difference between Israel and the terrorists. Israel has admitted error in the attack that killed Shehada. The Palestinian response is to go out and kill a rabbi. No apologies here, since killing civilians is the whole goal of the intifada, not an unfortunate side effect that they try to avoid.

Feds arrest Muslim activist suspected of ties to al-Qaida

Okay, say he brought computer equipment to al-Qaeda in Afghanistan. How did they run it? The country was in ruins, it's not like you can just find an outlet and an ethernet jack.

News reports say James Ujaama worked on a British Web site that advertised the "Ultimate Jihad Challenge," a paramilitary training course in the United States.

It's just been optioned for a 13-episode run on UPN next summer.

Okay, I made that up. But for a second, you thought it was possible, didn't you?

UPDATE: Terry Oglesby sends me to this story revealing the location of the paramilitary camp... Marion, Alabama.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Downtown looking up

A Senate committee today is considering appropriations totalling $8 million to assist in the "revitalization" of Downtown Tuscaloosa. The anchor is a new Federal Courthouse, to replace the old Federal Courthouse that seemed perfectly good to me when I was delivering papers there for my father. I don't know. The sponsor of the bill is Richard Shelby who -- what a coincidence -- is the senior Senator from Alabama.

I'm not one for "revitalization" plans generally, since they usually wind up being nothing more than windfalls for companies that remodel -- and of course for the red-brick manufacturing industry. But Downtown Tuscaloosa has come a long way from when I was an undergrad student at the University a decade ago.

Gunman armed with assault-style rifle

[SARCASM] You know, I'm sick and tired of the liberal media harping on gunmen with assault-style rifles who start shooting at total strangers until they have to be taken out by police snipers. It's an affront to all the law-abiding gunmen armed with assault-style rifles who never start shooting at total strangers or have to be taken out by snipers. I'm writing Charlton Heston.[/SARCASM]

Baby girl found covered in ants

My Lord. A baby, about two weeks old, was abandoned by (presumably) her mother under a picnic table. By the time she was found, she had been covered by ants. She's being treated for "numerous" bites. I don't understand people, really I don't.

House votes to expel Traficant

How did I not guess that Gary Condit was the "1" in the 420-1 vote to expel?

'Jumping frog' wins federal habitat protection, at least for now

This is the same species which had a protected habitat destroyed by a jackass developer recently. A Federal Court has ordered four million acres set aside for the time being as a frog habitat until dispute is settled between developers and conservationists. If there were any rationality involved here, they'd work out a compromise, so I expect things to drag on and on until it becomes moot.

Test of Snakehead Poison Starts
U.S. Officials Seek Ban on Imports, Interstate Transport

The poison seems to be working so far. However, they're canny. It's possible that they're just faking. You've seen fifties horror movies, haven't you? The scientists think they've found a way to defeat the creature, and it seems to work... until it comes back, more powerful than ever. Then you have to bring in the Army or Gamera or somebody to defeat it.

Long tail on fossil of ancient bird suggests links to dinosaurs
Creature probably lived more than 100 million years ago in China

I didn't think anyone still doubted that birds were "linked" to dinosaurs. The only controversy I knew of was if birds are direct descendants or just near relatives of the big guys. The real news is that this bird seems to have been a seed-eater -- the first known example of an ecological niche common among modern birds. Anyway, there's a nice picture I'm just going to link because it's a little too big to comfortably post.

Hershey Foods Exploring Sale of Company

Fortunately, it wasn't a Hershey worker who drowned in a vat of chocolate the other day.

Bush Admin. Wants Manatee Plan Nixed

Of course it does. If we don't drive our powerboats at high speed through the habitats of an endangered species, the terrorists win.

Oh, they're talking about how it will take too long because of the bureaucracy and they'll never beat the deadline. But in the end, it's because the Administration is dragging its feet, once again, on protected species, because it's fundamentally opposed to the the Endangered Species Act. If they could save money while saving manatees, the Administration would spend money to avoid protecting them.

Sumerian Dictionary to Decipher Ancient Texts

It is a fine example of the kind of nerd that I am that I think this is really neat.

Suicide bombers could spread hepatitis

Suicide bombing -- the terror campaign that keeps on terrorizing!

Of course, if you have a potentially deadly disease, and you're an enormous asshole, why not try to spread the disease while you're killing women and children?

Armstrong Closes In on Victory

Someone named "Michael Boogerd" won the stage. Boogerd?!?

Bengals Face Question: Who Is QB

Also, "What have we done to deserve playing for the Bengals?"

Bank Stocks Ignite Sharp Rally; Nasdaq Up 5%, S.&.P 500 Up 5.7%

They say it's because of strength in bank stocks and because of evidence -- a House/Senate agreement in particular -- the government is actually doing something about the finance scandals. I say it's because the President finally kept his big yap shut.

Annan Puts Burden of More Arms Talks on Iraq

For those of you who think that the UN is reflexively anti-American and pro-Arab... Well, we're against the talks, but this is hardly sucking up to Saddam.

Great Moments in Headline Writing

I actually like this one.

State looks for ways to cover its assets

Insurance premiums are going up. Because of terrorists. I somehow doubt that the State of Alabama is high on al-Qaeda's hit list, unless they're working in alphabetical order in English.

Feds reveal new plan to fix Everglades

Somehow, I'm guessing it involves propping up Jeb Bush's re-election campaign. I don't know how I know that, but I do.

Interior Secretary Gale Norton issued a statement praising the proposal, saying Interior would play a ''strong leadership role.''

They're going to sell the Everglades to ranchers for five cents an acre?

Endangered condors scheduled to be released in Mexico

Sometimes, an animal makes it back. I don't know if the California Condor will ultimately make it all the way, but it's come a long way from my childhood, when it was down to a few individuals and seemed destined for quick extinction. There are wild populations growing in California and Arizona now, and hopefully another part of its range is about to see a comeback.

Jury ponders case against bear researcher accused of raping colleague

A very disturbing story... A researcher is accused of doping a colleague with ketamine -- both a date rape drug and a bear tranquilizer -- and raping her.

Mob storms house of witch doctor in Bandra

I can't blame this mob at all. Said witch doctor had in June told a local man that his personal problems would go away if he did a human sacrifice. And that local man believed him and kidnapped and murdered a neighbor boy. Shame nobody brought a rope.

Scientific American: Crop Circle Confession

And here's one of the crop circle makers to explain just how he did it.

Ben Bova: The truth is out there ... but not as far as some would like us to think

Bova is not looking forward to M. Night Whatever's Signs any more than I am.

Did J. Edgar Hoover Really Wear Dresses?

Probably not. But it's fun to think that he did. In fact, I'm now stating that John Ashcroft wears women's underwear. Hey, you can't prove that he doesn't.

Kansas City Star | 07/15/2002 | Anti-evolution conservatives plan comeback in Kansas

They're like cockroaches, you simply can't get rid of them for long. Creationists are more dangerous than cockroaches, though. The latter only spread physical diseases; the former spread mental ones. Also, you're allowed to stomp on cockroaches.

allAfrica.com: Prophetess Duped of N.65m

Apparently, she forgot to turn on her prophecy that day.

Good news for the Turkish economy

Puyallup man leading long quest for Noah's Ark

Sigh. Leaving aside that the Ark certainly never existed (it's a version of a much older Mesopotamian fable), "Mount Ararat" is a mistranslation. The Bible says that the ark landed in "the Mountains", plural, of Ararat, the Hebrew name for the region in southwestern Turkey and northern Syria once called Urartu. There was no "Mount Ararat" at the time the Bible was written; that's a later (classical, I believe) idea. That's not to say that there's not a wooden object on a mountain in Turkey, but if there is it certainly was built in Christian times.

NB: I typed "Arafat" instead of "Ararat" three times. Oops, make it four.

An Open Letter to the Republican National Committee

Hi. I'm not a Republican! I hate Republicans! Stop sending me spam!

Thank you,
Mac Thomason

Diageo nears deal to sell Burger King for at least $2.1 billion

To a Texas venture capital firm. Who knew that BK was owned by a liquor company? I didn't.

Actual, literal, Death by Chocolate

There are worse ways to go.

Anthrax spores found in Antarctica

AAAIEEE!!! It's everywhere!

In this case, it was found in a hut used by R.F. Scott in his Antarctic expedition. There's no record of anyone on the expedition suffering from anthrax, but then everybody on the expedition did die.

Even in England, they tell stories of the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish of Maryland.

I'd just like to point out that Gale "I Hate Nature" Norton only spoke of the damage the DCSWF/M might do to "recreational and commercial fisheries", not any sort of widespread ecological problems or the extinction of native species. Because she hates nature, except if you can make money off it. And she's the Secretary of Interior. No difference between Bush and Gore, right Ralph?

Weather pattern a suspect in mass squidicide

So, thousands of squid are washing up on the beaches of SoCal. Sport fishermen are happy because the squid will attract fish. Others are happy because they're seriously disturbed:

Megan Moore, 13, of Moreno Valley and her cousins from Fort Worth spent hours tearing the squid apart and feeding them to fish.

Have fun, kids!

White House loses key House votes on Cuba
Bush expected to veto effort to lift travel ban

So it doesn't actually matter, unless the veto is overturned, and they don't have the votes. This anti-Castro paranoia is more politically motivated than anything, but I'm surprised it's grown this weak in Washington.

S.E.C. Chief Seeks Promotion; Chances Look Dim

Harvey Pitt has chutzpah, you have to give him that. He's asked Congress to make his office a top Cabinet-level post. It's not going over too well.

CNN.com - Scientists warn of asteroid threat - July 24, 2002

NASA says it's not a big deal. There have been a number of these near-Earth-objects that have been calculated to possibly hit, and recalculations have always shown the chance doesn't exist.

Study: Ride bus, train, cut oil imports

This study was commissioned by the American Public Transportation Association, meaning it's only slightly more believeable than cancer studies carried out by the Tobacco Institute.

Klan won't march in York, leader decides

You know, the Klan is getting even more pathetic, if that can be believed. In this case, said leader sounds like he's not going to march because the mayor hurt his feelings. If they'd only known it was that easy.

Lodging tax adds to dome dollars

The City of Birmingham is upset because no one comes to visit. Their answer: build a domed stadium, even though the city has no major league professional sports and no real prospect of getting them. But how to pay for it? Easy, they'll impose an additional 3 percent lodging tax! Nothing brings visitors running more than additional taxes!

Ashcroft's Terrorism Policies Dismay Some Conservatives

Meaning he's now officially dismayed everybody. The big difference is that I hate pretty much everything he's done, while these folks are just fine with government overreaching on abortion and pornography.

ESPN.com: MLB - Yankees deny charge that players fixed '70s games

I instantly believe the mobster who says they did, because I hate the Yankees a lot more than any mere ruthless criminal.

CNNSI.com - Horse Racing - Prince Ahmed's cousin killed en route to funeral

I would say that I'm not sorry about this one either, but I'm tired of being called a racist. I will just point out that this dead aristocrat (the only good aristocrat is... No! Stop it!) was driving like a maniac when he had an auto accident. There was "another car involved" but the story doesn't say how; I expect that if that person didn't die in the accident he was probably taken out and shot. I say "he" because it was Saudi Arabia, where women can't drive, but maybe I'm being racist for pointing that out, too. I don't know.

Ananova - Priest mauled to death by pig in well

Uh... A (Christian) priest in India was attacked by a wild pig. He jumped in an old well to escape, but the pig jumped in after him. This is probably symbolic of something.

CNN.com - Scientist: Sun composed mostly of iron - July 23, 2002

I think this "Scientist" -- who thinks that the Sun is a supernova remnant instead of a normal main sequence star -- needs to start taking his prescription medication.

AP Wire | 07/23/2002 | Cheney visits nuclear sub

I have to wonder if that's wise for someone with a defibrillator in his chest. I assume they know what they're doing.

USATODAY.com - Florida divers pay to swim with the sharks

Why? Because they're stupid. These are the same people who pay to walk on burning coals, I bet.

CBS News | Lawsuits Multiply As Animals Die | July 23, 2002 14:40:01

No matter how, as long as the animals die, the Bush Administration is happy.

Great Moments in Headline Writing

Even in Thailand, they make terrible puns:

Bangkok Post Wednesday 24 July 2002 - Exports of fancy fish flounder as industry stays fragmented

"Eventually," said a spokesman, "We'll be able to export fish which stupid Americans will dump into rivers and ponds. They shall kill all the native fish, and then, together, the fish and I will rule the world!!!

Help, please!

I was cleaning up my hard drive and I must have inadvertently deleted something I didn't want to. My browser (IE 5.5 - I know, I know) is mostly okay, but some text (for example, the poll box over on the left) is illegible in the "medium" text size. In the other sizes it's okay. Anyone know what I've done and how to fix it?

AP Wire | 07/23/2002 | Bullfrogs Threaten English Ecosystem

I'm trying to come up with an appropriate joke about the French here.

Author Chaim Potok dies at 73

Damn.

CNN.com - Suit filed against UNC seeks to block required reading of Islamic book - July 23, 2002

How do I know that if the school asked students to read a book including passages from the Old Testament (not that they ever would) that the people suing it would be all for it? I particularly like the name of the group backing the suit, the "Family Police Network". Sounds like a fun bunch of guys.

UPDATE: Sorry, the "Family Policy Network". It was a typo (not mine) that I should have recognized. A Freudian typo, probably.

Studies: Cholesterol Drugs May Cut Alzheimer Risk

Oh, I bet this won't go down well with the Health Nazis at all. "What, take a pill to stave off Alzheimer's? We just said you're supposed to eat fruits and vegetables and no red meat, and you're saying they can take a pill?"

Dutch judge tears up bulk mail ban

The Judge reckons that in general, spam isn't too bad a nuisance and that it's straightforward to change email ID if it becomes an issue.

Has this judge ever downloaded 15 enormous emails trying to sell him penis enlargement cream? Or tried to change his email address, for that matter? Or had his domain name kidnapped by a mortgage company?

Baldwin's aerial assault on mosquitoes grounded

Last year, Baldwin County's mosquito-spraying effort was delayed because the plane was broken. This year, it's being delayed because the poison hasn't been sent by the supplier. Good thing there aren't any potentially deadly mosquito-borne viruses around, yes?

Great Moments in Headline Writing

CNN turns to alliteration on a story about dead koalas.

CNN.com - Koala carnage causes car caution - July 23, 2002

Instead of simply cleaning up koalas struck and killed by cars, a local council is painting them with red fluorescent paint and leaving them as a warning. Uh... yuck.

Kenneth Starr joins challenge to S.C. tattoo ban

I think tattoos are gross, myself. But tattooing shouldn't be illegal.

Judge backs Klan's plan for parade

What can I say? I think we want the Klan on parade, actually. That way we can keep an eye on them and also see how ridiculous they really are. And they have a constitutional right to march. I wish they'd just keep on marching into Mississippi, myself.

Since when is Montgomery an undisclosed location?

Cheney in capital to dedicate park

While the economy melts down, Dick Cheney's in Montgomery dedicating the "Blount Cultural Park". Glad he's keeping busy.

Mercury News | 07/23/2002 | Lucent posts 9th straight quarterly loss, cuts more jobs

You've got to hand it to them -- Lucent was losing money when losing money wasn't cool. I guess the Big Red Zero corporate symbol should have tipped us off. Throw in AT&T's $12.7 billion -- that's "billion" with a "b" -- loss in the second quarter, and it wasn't a good three months for Ma Bell's national descendants.

Israeli Strike in Gaza Kills a Hamas Leader and 14 Others

You have to admit, Sheik Salah Shehada (who is now confirmed dead) was a handsome man.

"There is nothing in our hands but to respond with whatever power we have," said Dr. Mahmoud al-Zahar, a political leader of Hamas, who went to Shifa Hospital to identify the dead. "Every Israeli is a target now. No one will stop us from defending ourselves." Speaking by telephone, Dr. Zahar said he had seen the body parts of several children.

You mean every Israelis wasn't a target already? You could have fooled me.

The difference between the Israelis and the terrorists is this. The Israelis feel bad about killing civilians -- if any of the dead actually were civilians -- and try not to. They won't sacrifice their own people for this, but it's a goal. Hamas and related groups not only don't worry about killing civilians, they actively target them. And then they issue hypocritical statements about how it's the Israelis who are.

USATODAY.com - Aquatic aliens spawn trouble

More DCSWF news. I hadn't heard about the Asian swamp eel before, though. It may be nearly as cool as the DCSWF. It too can breathe air for a while and slither on dry land, and has a coating of slime that helps it avoid capture. In this case, some brilliant person in Georgia dumped his aquarium in a stream. Is there a club?

Royalties force pioneering radio station to end webcasts

A hearty thank you to the not-really-a-Librarian of Congress for his royalty decision! Will somebody please tell me how this does anyone in the entire world a lick of good?

CNN.com - Student charged with keeping anthrax at lab - July 22, 2002

See, when I first saw that headline I thought, "That sounds like a pretty rough work-study job." But we're talking about criminal charges, of course.

Reuters Wire | 07/22/2002 | Brazilian to Succeed Robinson as U.N. Rights Chief

Okay, guys, write down "Sergio Vieira de Mello", that's the powerless figurehead you're going to be picking on in the future.

CNN.com - Customized supercomputer wins speed race - July 22, 2002

Presumably it's going to enter the 100 meters at the World Track & Field Championships next year.

Online Jellyfish Forecast Warns Chesapeake Swimmers

Really, what more can I say? I mean, I love the Internet Age. Online jellyfish forecasts?

In the Chesapeake's tributaries, when conditions are right, the waters are transformed into jellyfish soup, with about 16 jellies per square meter.

Snakehead Fish Found in 7 States; U.S. to Ban Them

Yep, the Administration is taking swift action here, banning the import of any more Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish.

Snakeheads have been found in six other states: Hawaii, Florida, California, Maine, Massachusetts and Rhode Island, according to the Interior Department.

Well, that's a pretty broad assortment of states, isn't it? Nice to see that Interior is finding something to keep itself busy, what with not enforcing the Endangered Species Act taking up almost no time.

Oh, and once again I've scooped the news agencies. Reuters offers a URL (not a link, you have to copy and paste) to a site where you can find the Watercress & Snakehead soup (soon to be offered by Campbell's) that I linked to a few days ago.

Bush Defends Treasury Secretary and Speaks Out on Markets

What? WHAT?!? What are you looking at me for?

ESPN.com - Horse Racing - Prince Ahmed dies of heart attack

Oh, how awful. Except not.

CNN.com - Scientists fret over 'alien invasion' - July 22, 2002

The Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish of Maryland, of course, and not creatures from Outer Space. For one thing, this has a better plot than Independance Day.

I have a lot of fun with the DCSWF/M, of course. But there's a serious side here. Invasive species can drive out native ones, even cause ecosystem collapse. Zebra mussels have caused major problems in the Great Lakes, and now people are afraid of the invading Asian carp looking to join up there. Any species introduced into a new environment can wreak havoc if it gets established.

The greatest example, in recent times anyway, of that is certainly man, introduced to North America only a few dozen thousand years ago, and to Australia and New Zealand even more recently. Any number of species, including almost all large herbivores, were wiped out here, probably in large part by humans, and long before Europeans came along to make it more efficient.

What humans don't get (and this is a little more on topic, I suppose) our attendant species do. The most important here are dogs and cats (among pets), goats and pigs (among livestock) and rats (among pests). They go pretty much everywhere humans do, and in a lot of places they cause catastrophes. Feral pigs in particular have been a huge problem for native species in Australia, and flightless bird populations have been devastated or destroyed by rats and dogs.

Yahoo! News - Ink Sales Boost Lexmark Quarterly Profits

"Ha! Our plan of selling printers far cheaper than everyone else, then making customers pay through the nose for replacement cartridges, has worked!"

The Nando Times: Bush seeks to reassure nervous investors

"There, there. It'll be all right. Just breathe. There's no need to worry. Even if things go wrong, your daddy's friends will bail you out."

washingtonpost.com: Saudi Student Pleads Guilty of Lying

Lying is not, technically, illegal. What Hussein al-Attas did was make a false statement to federal agents about his relationship with Zacarias "Nolo Contendre" Moussaoui.

Mercury News | 07/22/2002 | WorldCom chief exec says bankruptcy won't affect customers

He's right. Just yesterday, I got a call during dinner about my long distance choices.

CNN.com - Bush holds funds for U.N. family planning - July 21, 2002

Once again, the Bush Adminstration is hiding one of its unpopular views (strident anti-abortionism and the linked anti-birth control mania) behind a self-righteous facade. In this case, they say it's because the UN Population Fund supports forced abortions and sterilizations in China. This is not true, but truth has never been a big sticking point with the Bushies.

No difference between Bush and Gore, Ralph?

The Nando Times: Australian scientists examine giant squid

They say that the giant squid had lost two tentacles, bringing the remaining total to eight. How do they know it's not an octopus, then?

TNR Online | Bad Blood

TNR takes a look at the problems of the blood industry caused by the post-9/11 surge in donations, followed by a post-surge crash. A lot of blood wound up being wasted, thousands of gallons simply discarded. (How do they do that, anyway?) The story doesn't even mention the two people (so far) known to have contracted HIV from blood donated on Sept. 12.

Not crystal clear

East Tuscaloosa city water is orange. They say it's just rust (yummy!) but I swear I've seen clay buildups as well.

White House Moves to Tighten Loose Lips, Stop Leaks to Media

They want to polygraph staffers to find said leaks. I'm interested to know that the Administration isn't just a carrier of delusional paranoia, but also a sufferer. At any rate, they follow the trend of many Administrations of being more concerned with internal leaks than the actual governing of the country.

( Via Romenesko. Reg. required for LA Times article.)

washingtonpost.com: Calif. Takes Lead on Auto Emissions

The auto industry, of course, is predicting disaster. I've always wondered if they read their Aesop.

No aliens, no latex in 'Firefly,' Fox's new sci-fi show

Joss Whedon says it's because he thinks humans are the only intelligent species in the universe. I would guess it's because it's cheaper that way. Actually, I think we probably are the only intelligent technological species in the galaxy, but it's a minority opinion. The universe is a big place.

Another 'perilous day' for Fox's '24'

The season debut will air without commercials. I don't know if I can take that; the show was pretty relentless even with breaks every few minutes.

Endtimes Update

The Nando Times: Quake shakes homes on Germany-Netherlands border

North Dakota Governor Visits Cuba

Where's the outrage? Jimmy Carter, private citizen, goes to Cuba and everyone blows his top. John Hoeven, sitting elected official, goes to Cuba and nobody pays attention. Of course, Hoeven is a Republican.

Lockheed Martin's embattled jet prepares for first real flight test

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the F-22 Raptor.

Ananova - 'Business as usual' as WorldCom files biggest ever bankruptcy

Unfortunately, in the Bush Economy (either one), bankruptcy is business as usual. Remind me again why Wall Street likes the GOP.

Ridge: U.S. considers use of military as police officers

Terrible, terrible. The administration seems married to its "review" of Posse Comitatus, even while it keeps saying it's not important and there won't be any major changes. Then why do it?

Instapundit, meanwhile, is trying to stick this one on Joe Biden, even calling it a Biden "initiative" on the strength of a Washington Times story. That dog won't hunt, not least because the real Times was talking about it on Saturday night, before Biden ever mentioned it. Also, Biden in the story linked above says that he's "not talking about general police power." General Eberhart, on the other hand, was talking (presumably routine) surveillance.

UA tuba quartet 1st in worldwide competition

That's a pretty specialized area to be the best in the world in, but congratulations, I guess.

Ananova - Australian brothel plans stock market flotation

In this economic climate?

WorldCom CEO: Bankruptcy filing imminent

Jeez, Enron's status as the largest bankruptcy in US history didn't even last a year. They swear they aren't going to sell MCI or UUNet to stay afloat.

The Miami Herald | 07/21/2002 | In rural South, Jewish congregations are dwindling

The Jewish presence in the South used to be strong. For whatever reason, the urbanizing trends that have caused the dwindling the rural South overall have hit its Jewish population hard.

Posse Comitatus Act Limits Armed Services at Home

For 125 years, it's been the law of the land, and it's served this nation well. And the Bush Adminstration wants it weakened or overturned. Will "libertarians" please explain to me why the Republicans are the lesser evil? (Not that I think that the Democrats are evil, but the "libertarians" do.) Or are armed soldiers patrolling the streets part of the libertarian vision?

CNN.com - Man, fearing terrorists, fires at helicopter - July 20, 2002

Ah, paranoia. I'd like to thank the administration and the media for feeding it.

John Chwaszczewski, a semiretired construction worker, became alarmed when he saw the chopper swoop down over his garage, about a block from Peters' home.

"Maybe I overreacted, but I did feel this was terrorism at its utmost," Chwaszczewski said.

Because terrorism's utmost is an attack on a residential neighborhood.

Failing school gives student option to go

So, if all the students have bad test scores, those students can leave the school and go to someplace with good test scores? I bet the schools will be lining up for them!

Brazilians Keep Abreast Of Fashion

Bikini fashion show. I'm just passing this on for information's sake.

The Nando Times: Family of detained terror suspect denies al-Qaida link

Actually, there's little linking him to terror except that he's a Muslim. He was traveling with $12 million in fake checks, of course, but that just means he's a crook...

Reuters Wire | 07/21/2002 | Egypt arrests 34 suspected Islamists

You know, I haven't seen "Islamists" used in a headline before... At any event, they were arrested for things not generally considered illegal, at least not in a country with real laws.