Oh, Those Wacky Americans!

US parents to teachers: Pass my kid or I'll sue you - AUG 11, 2002

Singapore's Straits Times rather naively is basing a story on something in the Washington Times based on Heritage Foundation stuff. You know, the usual conservative lawyer-bashing.

washingtonpost.com: Triumph Of the Lawn

First MoDo had a snakehead column. Now Ellen Goodman tries to bait the hook for one of hers with a DCSWF reference, though it soon moves on to less interesting things like crabgrass and dumb movies.

In related news...

Raytheon gives boost to children's organization
Company is donating $100,000 to center for assisting abused kids

That's nice; always good to see us get something out of the money we give defense contractors.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Despite its failed tests, missile still has support
Patriot under review; Army purchase order expected to be same

Let's review... It doesn't work. It will probably never work. It costs a boatload of money ($4 million a missile). But what the heck. What are you going to do with the money, pay down the national debt? Shore up social security? You might as well just give it to the poor! Better we build a missile system that won't work and doesn't have any major strategic value for the United States anyway!

Radio show for Democrats going to FM

There's a show called "Democratic Talk Radio" in Alabama? This truly is an age of wonders.

Democrats fire away in debates
Majette, McKinney agree on little

Hey, at least McKinney showed up. She was trying to pretend it was beneath her dignity or something.

"Quite frankly, my outspokenness is loved by my constituents," McKinney said at one point. "You will see that on Election Day."

Really, lots of neat stuff. Admit it, if she loses, we'll miss her.

Milosevic Cannot Run in Presidential Election, Serbian Electoral Commission Says

Mr. Milosevic's Socialist Party of Serbia wants to nominate him even though he is in jail and on trial for crimes against humanity before an international court in The Hague.

I mean, what's wrong with that? But he's banned from running by the Serbian constitution anyway, because he's already served two terms. Didn't he write the Serbian constitution?

The Nando Times: Domino's Pizza tests dollar delivery charge

Well, if Domino's pizza wasn't one of the nastiest, stomach-churning substances known to man, I might be upset. But since I haven't eaten Domino's since I was in high school, let them.

Panel rejects guilty plea

Medell Banks (IQ: 57) pled guilty to murder in the death of his wife's baby. Which never existed. The state Court of Criminal Appeals threw out the plea and ordered the case sent back to the trial court. Naturally, the county DA is saying he's going to appeal to the state Supreme Court to uphold the conviction. Since the court is packed with Republicans, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets his wish.

I just can't stand people who act like this. They know he didn't do anything --- that there was no crime -- but they don't care. They got a conviction! It must be upheld! Hell, he's black and retarded, Banks probably is guilty of something!

Reuters Wire | 08/10/2002 | Bush Calls Iraq an 'Enemy Until Proven Otherwise'

After he's proven a negative, Saddam must then teach a pig how to fly, and finally walk across the Euphrates.

Hey, I think the Iraqi war will be justified. I think Saddam is building WMDs. But as long as the administration keeps up this dogmatic attitude of Mesopotamia Delenda Est, they're not helping their cause around the world. Frankly, I'm starting to have doubts now, and I'm not alone.

Saddam Hussein Violating Foodstuffs of Mass Destruction Treaty

The Poor Man has the terrible details:

First synthesized in May of 2002, ingestion of Pepsi Blue causes a stinging or burning sensation in the mouth and throat, followed by extreme nausea and vomiting. Victims often report feeling as though they were being choked with a rancid blueberry muffin baked with Drano. The long-term health effects of exposure to Pepsi Blue are not known.

Bankrupt Telecom Sold for $250M

Global Crossing came cheap for these guys. Not so much for the shareholders and employees.

AP Wire | 08/09/2002 | Woman unhurt after attack by rabid bat

What is going on with the wildlife all of the sudden? Rabid Bat Attacks?

Anyone bitten by a bat is encouraged to wash the infected area and get medical attention immediately. If possible, the bat should be captured and sent to a lab for testing.

Louisiana fights West Nile, own culture

An "Oh, Those Wacky Louisianans!" story from the Trib, combined with West Nile scare tactics. It's the two newspaper cliches that go great together!



I show you this map for two reasons. One is that this is from the Orlando Sentinel, meaning that the Chicago Tribune website is too sorry to not hijack other papers' graphics. Two, look at the southern states with no West Nile. You have Maryland, home of the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish, and South Carolina, which shares a lake where other DCSWF were reportedly found. The answer is clear: Snakeheads Prevent West Nile! I mean, it's not West Yangtze Virus, is it?

Pa. researcher bringing an Arctic fossil to light

This guy might have made short work of the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish, or even the Giant Leaping Attack Sturgeon. Six feet long, with knifelike teeth it used to crunch through bony armor.

Man dies in first confirmed Canadian case of human form of ``mad cow'' disease

The Canadian health authorities swear he got it in Britain. Me, I never trusted that funny bacon.

I liked Jagged Edge. So did Joe Eszterhas, apparently, since he rewrote it as Music Box a couple of years later. Anyway, Laurence reports that Eszterhas has cancer; really, he had it coming.

Damn the Constitution: Europe must take back the Web

This editorial is so offensive on so many levels that I'm not going to touch it. If someone with a little more command of vitriol will please take it? I'm ashamed that this guy's name is only one letter away from my father's.

Okay, one point... The Internet is an American invention, which we decided to share. How can Europe "take back" something it never had?

Court Clears Man in Terror Case

This is the guy who ran the "Ultimate Jihad Challenge" camp. A British court has decided he's not a terrorist.

The camp's Web site featured a photo of the burning World Trade Center towers and promoted anti-terrorist training after Sept. 11, but the name was used long before the terrorist attacks.

Yup. Not a terrorist. I don't know how you could even think such a thing.

Apparently, Ted Barlow likes AC/DC. Maybe a little too much.

I swear I don't look for these stories...

China's first lesbian film quietly tests limits

There have been films about gay men for years in China; I'm surprised it took so long for lesbianism to be addressed.

Apparently, homosexuality is a touchy subject in China, and until recently it's been officially a mental illness there. Why? I mean, the PRC is always trying to cut the birth rate, and it seems to me to be a pretty good method of birth control. But who said governments were logical?

Area merchants are unfazed by plan to kill snakeheads

The snakeheads, however, are fazed, but have a plan... To be honest, I'd think the merchants would want this to drag on for awhile. This is a tourist attraction! I particularly don't get this guy:

"We are not interested. We are vegetarians, and we do not eat fish," said Bharat Patel, who works at the Dunkin' Donuts near the pond. Many curious snakehead-seekers have visited the doughnut shop during the past month to ask for directions to the pond.

First, what's this "we", kemosabe? Second, if he's a vegetarian shouldn't he be opposed to killing the fish? Third, I guess he doesn't get a cut of the profits since killing the snakeheads will hurt business.

Dilbert Principals

School declared a nut-free zone; some parents upset

Now, a Tuscaloosa-area principal has followed suit by banning not only peanuts but all nuts. And, once again the Board of Education is reviewing the policy and I'm guessing will reverse it. In this case, there actually is a student with a nut allergy. However, it would be simple enough to keep the student away from areas in which nuts were eaten, and the district has done this at other schools. Still, better to inconvenience everyone in the school than to simply have one kindergartener eat his lunch in the classroom!

Riley calls for exporting inmates

I dunno, I don't think there'll be much demand for them.

The Nando Times: Three nurses killed in grenade attack on grounds of Pakistan hospital

That tears it. Christians are a terrorist target in Pakistan; the hospital is run by Presbyterians. This follows quickly on the heels of an attack on a Christian school, and there have been several other attacks. The patients, of course, are mostly Muslim, but that doesn't seem to worry the terrorists. Teach them to get sick.

WorldCom finds US$3.3B more in misstated profit
Scandal-plagued firm may write off US$50.6-billion

Did WorldCom ever make any money at all? Why am I getting a feeling that the only person who ever paid them anything was me on my monthly phone bill? I don't know what's worse, finding out that you actually made $3.3 billion less than you thought, or that that's just a drop in a very large bucket.

Blast Reportedly Kills at Least 10 in Afghanistan

Yes, we sure are doing well by the people of Afghanistan... I should point out that the construction company whose site was the place of the blast is known as "ACLU".

Fun with referrer logs

I suppose it was one of my regular readers who came up with this one:

Google Search: warliberal "anti-semitism"

Cobb smooths flap: Schools can have peanut-free zones

A more than usually meddlesome school principal in Georgia had said that she was banning peanuts from her campus. The school district the next day said she wouldn't and there could be "peanut free zones" if someone actually has an allergy. (She apparently didn't even know if there was anyone who could be harmed by them.) What I'm taking from this is a continued reinforcement of my belief that the Dilbert Principle exists, and principals (excuse the pun) are among the beneficiaries. Every school principal I remember meeting has been either incompetent or a petty tyrant or both. I'm sure there are decent ones, I'm just saying I don't recall meeting any.

Dushku Back In Buffy?

Joss Whedon says yes, Eliza Dushku will appear as Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the upcoming season.

Man stable after being hit by leaping fish

Janis Gore sends Terry Oglesby this story of a North Florida man, the latest victim of the spreading Giant Leaping Attack Sturgeon epidemic first revealed here on the recommendation of Karin Kross.

Confused yet?

Tired Of Walking Fish? Try Flying Snake

I'm not tired of the walking fish, but perhaps everyone else is. Still, a flying snake is pretty cool, even if it hasn't invaded our shores (yet). The next in line would be a swimming bird, I think. In that case, we need to make sure no penguins get established in the North American ecosystem. They're voracious.



UPDATE: Amish Tech Support is now your official Flying Asian Paradise Tree Snake Headquarters.

First Local West Nile Case This Year is Confirmed

Now there's a West Nile case in DC. But I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, right?

With implant Miss America may hear again

Heather Whitestone, the deaf woman who won Miss America back in '95, got a cochlear implant, which I assume would really piss off the "deaf identity" community except that they never really liked her anyway.

Laurence Simon lists all the things on our teevees that we already don't use; what's one more? He left out the V-Chip... Actually, I use closed-captioning a lot.

Russia launches military exercises in Caspian

One goal of the exercises is to cut down on sturgeon poaching. Illegal caviar poaching has devastated the sturgeon population over the last couple of decades. Just to reiterate... Impoverished Russia is willing to use military exercises to protect its wildlife, albeit valuable wildlife. The richest country in the world, however, isn't able to spend a few bucks to protects its endangered species by, for example, keeping motorboats out of manatee preserves or even simply adding species to the Endangered Species list.

Latest US sighting of snakefish may be a hoax

Officials think that the two men who claimed to have caught a pair of Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish may have actually bought them at a seafood market or pet store. Of course, the fact that you can still buy live DCSWFs in a pet store is a problem, but the circumstances here were a little suspicious. Nobody's ever caught DCSWF in the lake (a fairly substantial one) before, and these guys catch two in one day? On the other hand, maybe these guys are the Richard Jewells of the DCSWF saga.

(Note: the story uses the word "Dreaded" to refer to the DCSWF.)

FCC Gives TV Makers Deadline Of 2006 to Roll Out Digital Sets

Wow, new regulation from Michael Powell's FCC. The TV makers are claiming that DTV add-ons would push up the cost of sets by $250, which is ridiculous.

(Via TV Barn.)

Fish get reprieve amid legal wrangling
State needs owners' OK to poison snakehead pond; 'Weak language' delays work; Environmental, insurance concerns are at issue

Man, the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish of Maryland is the Yasser Arafat of alien species -- you just can't get rid of it. The pond owners aren't happy with the agreements the state is offering and won't give permission to poison the DCSWF/M. They're working on it.

Live grenade found at construction site

It was a rusty, WWII-era pineapple. Presumably someone bought it/brought it back from the army as a souvenir and later lost it or abandoned it. Still, seeing that lying on the ground would have to shake you up.

1999 case of TB tied to recent diagnosis

You know what's even better than West Nile? How about multiple-drug-resistant tuberculosis?

West Nile found in Alabama resident

Oh, for fun! Still think I'm paranoid?

Governor Siegelman has ordered the National Guard to help spray for mosquitoes. GOP gubernatorial candidate Bob Riley charged that "there never was any West Nile around here before Siegelman was elected." Riley promised that if he were elected, there wouldn't be any more West Nile virus and everyone would live in a magic land of lollipops and fairy cake.

(Okay, I made the part about Riley up.)

Nursing home cleared

The state says there's nothing wrong at a Moundville nursing home where a 78-year-old woman recently needed to be treated for -- I hope you haven't eaten recently -- an infestation of maggots. It's just a freak accident, and people deal with maggot infestations all the time!

The name of the facility's administrator is "Scrivner", by the way. You couldn't make this sort of thing up if you tried.

Article by Stephanie Hoops, who should restart her blog and knows it.

I've had nightmares like that.

Groups sue to stop Navy from using sonar, fearing harm to mammals

If you've read this site for any time, you know that I'm a firm environmentalist, and one who's spoken out repeatedly against the Bush Administration for its refusal to enforce the Endangered Species Act. Protecting wildlife is very important to me.

However, if it comes down to a choice between American sailors and American national security on the one hand, and endangered species -- even showy endangered species like whales -- on the other, I have to choose the sailors. At any event, the harm has not been proven, the Fisheries Service doesn't think it will be a big problem, and it does appear that the Navy is trying to avoid causing problems. Maybe it could try harder. But I'm not going to choose to leave my nation open to attack to save the whales. I'm sorry, that's how it is.

New leukemia drug appears to restore color to gray hair

Have you noticed how often drugs have side effects that make you look younger? Remember Retin-A? At any event, this is a really expensive drug with I presume lots of other side effects, so they'll probably have to figure out some other pill to get the anti-greying effect.

Demi Moore lined-up for Charlie's Angels 2

Well, that ought to kill off that franchise.

Brazil to Get $30 Billion IMF Aid to Stem Market Drop

Whew. On the other hand, it has the usual IMF anti-growth strings attached, in this case asking Brazil to run a budget surplus (not counting debt payments) during a recession. The best-case scenario is that Brazil's economy and budget stay afloat and merely millions of people are thrown into greater poverty. Which is still better than the alternative, but "austerity" is not called for in the current situation.

Today's Dumb Search Request.

Greg Greene has more good stuff on Alexander Cockburn and "David Hilliard".

Villagers beat five women to death for being 'witches' - The Times of India

Apparently, India didn't want the Muslim world to have all the fun of being medieval. A mob beat five women, aged 45-55, to death, while another mob stood around and cheered. What more is there to say?

BTW, the story is datelined "Kolkata" (not where the beating took place, but I'd guess the nearest major city) but the body refers to "Calcutta".

Sea creature spooks swimmers

A group of friends was surprised by an unidentified "creature" while swimming off the Rhode Island coast. You want my guess, alcohol was probably involved, but that's just a guess. And that if there is a creature, it's nothing like 15 feet long.

Health officials call for cooperation in battle against wasting disease

"Deer AIDS" update... Authorities are calling on agencies to stop trying to assing blame for the spread of Chronic Wasting Disease, to cease turf wars and start cooperating. No doubt, bureaucrats will soon start accusing each other of not being team players.

Song case first in department to use psychic

Okay, a Penn State student disappeared ten months ago. They've been used by using a psychic since May. And guess what? They haven't found the body. Think it's safe to say that the psychic isn't helping? What, if they find the body tomorrow, will they say, "Thank God for the psychic! If not for her, we might have taken eleven months!"

Stadium Lifts Seating Ban for Bruce

A note for the kids... Cincinnati has long had a ban on general admission or "festival" seating. There's a good reason for it; in 1979, eleven people were trampled to death at a Who concert there, trying to get in to get the best seats.

Bruce Springsteen has asked the city to allow GA seating for his concert Nov. 12, and they have agreed. And they're thinking about making it permanent. I'd guess that the Boss' fans generally are a well behaved bunch. But what happens if they lift the policy for one of those rap-metal groups the kids listen to? Or whatever the kids are listening to. I haven't liked any popular music since 1991.

Poll finds voucher enthusiasm fades over chance that public schools may lose money

WASHINGTON (AP) - Americans tend to favor the idea of school vouchers that help send low income children to private or parochial schools, says an Associated Press poll, at least until they hear that could decrease the money available for public schools.

Then support dwindles rapidly.

Jeez, what do you expect, people? If you want vouchers, the money has to come from somewhere. Either you have to increase revenue (meaning higher taxes) or you cut something else. And that something else would have to be the public schools. This is why, even though I'm generally in favor of experimentation in education, I'm anti-voucher. It seems to me that they will inevitably hurt many to help a few -- almost certainly a white, middle-class few, and I say this as a white middle-class product of parochial schools.

Taiwan scraps military drills after war threats

Because, God knows if there's a war you won't want your army to be prepared for it.

China lays claim to its own Nessie

Rumours that the 373-metre deep lake harbours some sort of monster have been circulating for more than a century, the paper said.

However, scientists dismiss the reports, saying volcanic eruptions happening as recently as 300 years ago would make life extremely hazardous for any animal making the lake its home.

Heck, if not existing doesn't keep people from believing in you, you expect volcanic eruptions to stand in the way? By the way, the story also claims that there's a 33-foot long salmon living in a lake in Xinjiang. Maybe we could import it to take care of the snakeheads.

Hartford Advocate: Time Travelin' Man
Will UConn physicist Ronald Mallett build the first time machine?

I'm no physicist, but my guess is no.

Riley uses '70s term `Afro-American'

You know, the Bob Riley Era, if it happens, might be fun. In a train-wreck sort of way. Using "Afro-American" in a debate on statewide television may not have been the best move, though it was a lot better than the time four years ago when then-Governor Fob James did the Monkey on stage to mock evolution.

Interestingly, Riley apparently is trying to reach out to black voters, at least younger ones... Full disclosure: maybe 30 feet from where I'm sitting right now is a plaque labeling a room the place of the library's "Afro-American Collection". I'm sure that made sense at the time.

You know, I don't know what's more disturbing.... That somebody found my site with this search, or that it was a good hit.

Irondale abandons plan for 1% occupational tax

They probably figured out that (a) nobody who works in Irondale makes much money as it is, and that (b) the tax would probably drive jobs either into Birmingham proper or into unincorporated areas, of which there are many nearby.

Hey, I'm a liberal. But I've got enough sense to know that when you have a revenue shortfall caused by an economic slowdown and people going elsewhere to buy things, you don't raise taxes. That's just going to drive more people to shop elsewhere.

Via Laurence Simon, the 72 virgins granted to suicide bombers.

3 men admit gambling operation ran in Pell City

I don't gamble, but I did use to live near Pell City. And if I lived there now, I'd be tempted to turn to gambling. Or to just about anything remotely exciting. It's not exactly a thrill-a-minute kind of town, even by Alabama standards.

Spraying away mosquito risk
Leaders divided on value of insecticide

True story: When I was a kid, we used to play in the insecticide wake of the mosquito-spraying truck. I think this says a lot about me.

Anyway, the guy at the Public Health office seems to think that widespread spraying doesn't protect public health, and that it's more important to eliminate standing water and spray breeding areas. (He may not have known about kids playing in the insecticide.) I dunno. Near where I grew up there were areas that were basically swamp. Unless you drain them (not environmentally recommended) I don't see how you can keep mosquitoes from breeding there.

Airline says all its flights free on Sept. 11

Not around here, of course. The whole idea is kind of disturbing to me anyway.

First David Hilliard, now Cynthia McKinney
Race and political alliances in Alabama

Alexander Cockburn -- if you didn't already know this -- is a complete moron. Oh, and an anti-Semite -- you probably knew that too.

Now, on top of worshipping Cynthia McKinney, he shows a particular cluelessness in the case of the Alabama 7th Congressional race. First, he doesn't even know the first name of either contestant in the runoff. Earl Hilliard was defeated by Artur Davis. Furthermore, he ignores the fact that Hilliard had just as much money as Davis, and raised more from out of state. He probably knows this, but it doesn't fit his Jewbashing worldview, which mostly involves claiming that the Elders of Zion used their nefarious financial powers to oust these poor African-American lawmakers who only wanted to add a sense of "balance". He ignores that both Davis and McKinney's opponent are black. Again, that doesn't fit his worldview.

Davis didn't beat Hilliard because he outspent him. He didn't; they had about the same amount of money. He won because there was a lot more money in the race, which moved the campaign out of the meeting halls and back rooms and onto the TV screen. And Hilliard is just plain terrible on TV. I don't know if he is in fact an idiot, but he comes across that way on television. Davis, wellspoken and a lawyer (and of impeccable left-liberal credentials, though Cockburn either doesn't know that or doesn't want you to know) simply seemed more like what you'd want in a Congressman. Hilliard didn't help his cause by running an incompetent campaign that featured a number of anti-Semitic/anti-white attacks that simply didn't play. One of these was his "Davis and the Jews: Bad for the Black Belt" pamphlet. Cockburn probably wouldn't see anything wrong with it. Hell, he probably wrote it.

Gaza fishermen protest against Israeli limits

There, go on, have a good cry.

Jellyfish kill one million salmon

Scottish salmon aren't doing too well. But considering some of things Scots eat, they might like jellyfish.

Md. Awaits Okay to Eradicate Snakeheads
Today Is Deadline for Pond Owner to Give Permission to Kill Vegetation and Fish

Is our long national nightmare about to be over? Or will the snakeheads escape? Will a daring snakehead disguise himself as the pond owner and refuse to give permission? Tune in later to find out!

Islamic militants kill nine Hindu pilgrims

"Hey, Jean-Paul, do we call them terrorists if they're not killing Jews?"

"Merde, Phillippe, check the stylebook already."

"I haven't gotten the new book yet."

"Fine, fine, I'll look it up... Says here that they're militants."

"Militants? Then what do we call them if they're killing Jews?"

"'Activists'."

"Oh, right. Thanks. Anyway, the militants have killed nine people and wounded 27 in a pilgrimage camp in Kashmir."

"Well, it's their own fault for not being sensitive to Islam."

"True, true."

Six Americans fast in Baghdad in anti-US protest

It's nice to know that there are still American idiots out there willing to put their lives on the line for anti-Americanism. Also, that there are so few of them... They were protesting against the sanctions, too, by the way. Don't let it be said that they aren't consistently idiotic.

Oasis band members hurt in car crash

"Hey, Noel, says here you're one of the fifty greatest guitarists of all time."

"What? Give me that, there has to be some kind of mistake."

"Watch the road, watch the road!"

[CRASH]

Antique pistol goes off as it's handed to Barr

"Nobody was in any danger. We were handling it safely, except that it was loaded," Widener said.

Remember: If guns are idiotic, only idiots will have guns!

Siegelman to Riley: "Pull My Finger"

I'm dreadfully sorry, really. But that was really too easy.

According to the good people at YACCS, comments will be down until approximately midnight. Sorry for any inconvenience, but you get what you pay for, I suppose. You can always email me.

Today's Disturbing Search Request

"civil war" spanking boys. I don't want to know.

I don't suppose anyone hasn't seen this, but just in case you haven't, check out Blogtree, and if you have a blog, sign it up. Here's my blogtree.

Tobey Maguire to star in 'Seabiscuit'

A lot of people thought Maguire was bad casting as a superhero, but he proved them wrong. Still, I don't know if he can pull off playing a horse.

Marquis de Lafayette Named American

Well, good. What took so long?

Vigilante neighbors in court for branding molester

In court? They ought to get a medal.

Hendrix Named Greatest Guitarist

This is hardly news. I mean, if Jimi Hendrix hadn't won, that would have been news. Meanwhile, Jimmy Page was second, and that's a mistake. Stevie Ray Vaughn was nineteenth, and that's ridiculous.

Captain Euro Vs. The Martians

(When we last left our intrepid hero, he was confronting Marvin, leader of the Martian invasion force sent as revenge for the constant human littering of the pristine surface of Mars. The EU and the French government sent the Captain to negotiate while they made desperate calls to the British for help.)

CAPTAIN EURO: Surely, we can discuss this like reasonable beings. We would be willing to pay reparations and offer development assistance.

MARVIN: Silence, Earth-fool! The ancient Martian civilization needs no help from the likes of you! Prepare to die!

EURO: There's no need for violence. Negotiation is...

[MARVIN SHOOTS HIM WITH A ZAP PISTOL]

EURO: AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! [HE FALLS TO THE GROUND, TWITCHING]

MARVIN: So, you are made of sterner stuff. [PAUSE] I have to admit, I'm surprised.

EURO: I understand that you are only lashing out because you feel powerless. Now, can we at least set the agenda for future talks?

MARVIN: Okay, that's it, you're going to die. Let me just put this on the highest setting... [HE RAISES HIS GUN]

VOICE: Stop!

MARVIN: What? Who are you?

EURO: Oh, helvete, it's the Hulk.

HULK: Hulk smash Martian!

EURO: No, Hulk, you mustn't! He's only a product of his environment!

HULK: Huh? Hulk confused.

MARVIN: I am not a product of my environment! I am a sapient being from an ancient civilization, and I will destroy both of you!

HULK: No! Hulk smash Martian! [HE SMASHES MARVIN]

EURO: Why did you do that? I was starting to get through to him!

HULK: What?!?!?

EURO: Yes, he seemed violent, but I was starting to break through his shell, I could tell.

HULK: What? [HE FALLS TO THE GROUND LAUGHING]

MARVIN: What? [HE STARTS LAUGHING TOO]

HULK: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! [HE CHANGES INTO DR. BRUCE BANNER]

BANNER: Where am I? What am I doing here?

EURO: You just interfered with my negotiations with this Martian!

BANNER: Martian? There's no such thing as Martians. Mars is cold, dry and lifeless. He's pulling your leg.

EURO: What? If this is so, then you must be...

MARVIN: Yes, it is I! [HE REMOVES HIS DISGUISE]

EURO: Zut alors! C'est Jean-Marie Le Pen!

Europe begins building Mars lander

Euros in space! I'm sorry, I'm trying to figure out how "Captain Euro versus the Martians" would go.

Hiroshima mayor sends nuclear alert to Bush

The mayor of Hiroshima seems to be a ninny.

Akiba urged U.S. President George W. Bush to visit both his city and Nagasaki -- targeted by a second atomic bomb three days after Hiroshima -- to see the destructive power of nuclear weapons.

"America has not been given the right to impose a 'Pax Americana' and to decide the fate of the world," he said, condemning what some see as America's go-it-alone stance.

And yet, Go-It-Alone America is the only major nation (with the arguable exception of Britain) actually doing anything about nuclear proliferation. The USA is trying to keep them out of the hands of Saddam Hussein and others who would certainly use them. But anti-Americanism and "multilateralism" is so bound up in this sort of thinking that the thinkers can't accept it. The United States is acting unilaterally, which must be bad, even though we're trying to prevent nuclear war. That's your Pax Americana.

By the way, whatever positive attributes George W. Bush has, deep personal introspection is not one of them. I doubt visiting Hiroshima and Nagasaki would have much of an effect on him.

CSICOP in the News and On The Air

CSICOP has a roundup of various idiot crop circle stories.

Jeffco schools prescribe new drug, alcohol policy

Sounds bad enough (as a rule, any new drug and alcohol policy involves employers butting in where they don't belong) but what they're actually doing is worse. They're trying to force employees to tell the district if they're taking medication "that can cause impairment or any physical or mental alteration." Meaning antihistimines, or antidepressants, or pain medication. It's all about the children, of course.

Libertarian candidate: Nominees `childish'

Speaking of Libertarians... Here's my probable gubernatorial candidate. Even if he does work at Auburn. I don't agree with him, either, but he's neither a crook or a Republican, and since he can't win I won't feel guilty about the various screwups by the next governor.

Falwell doesn't back off
Televangelist delivers his usual hard-hitting sermon in visit to Mobile, condemning abortion and praising gun rights

I trust the "Libertarian" 2nd Amendment brigade likes its allies.

Debate foes swap insults

It's always nice to see maturity in the men running for Alabama Governor.

Riley compared his effort to "restore honor and integrity" to the governor's office with Bush's campaign to do the same at the national level.

And we all know how well that's been going.

Letter: Make money out of alien creatures

Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do! So raise Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish in your local pond or drainage ditch, then ship the fish to Singapore!

Report: Pentagon advisory panel told Saudi Arabia is enemy

Apparently, the Pentagon finally is getting the word. Stay with the class, boys. I should point out that one of the members of the advisory panel is Dan Quayle; I expect this is symbolic of something.

2 Koreas Agree On an Agenda for Discussions

Doesn't that just say it all about this profoundly dysfunctional relationship? The Koreas can't actually agree on anything except the propping up of the Northern tyranny. But they've agreed on what they're going to talk about.

North Korea plans to send more than 300 athletes to the Asian Games and also promised to take part in unofficial North-South Korean soccer matches next month.

Unofficial soccer matches? I originally read that as "unofficiated" soccer matches, which would probably get ugly very quickly but would be more interesting.

Irondale weighs plan for 1% occupational tax

This would go on top of the 1% Jefferson County occupational tax. Irondale is a Birmingham suburb, and doesn't have a lot of big-ticket jobs. The primary employers are places like Wal-Mart or McDonald's, and the people who work those jobs don't have a lot to give.

FBI Team to Probe Hebrew U. Bombing

I'm sure they'll be a lot of help.

Vatican Excommunicates Women Ordained as Priests

The Vatican has excommunicated seven women ordained as priests by a renegade archbishop, saying they had "wounded" the Catholic Church.

Okay, let's make sure we're all on the same page here... Serial child rape, that's unfortunate but forgiveable, and really, the rapists are victims too. But women (who, I might add, generally aren't child molesters) trying to have equal status wound the church and need to be excommunicated. What universe is the Vatican located in?

The Nando Times: Car blast kills suicide bomber in northern Israel, officials report

God bless the incompetent Islamikaze. A couple of them get together to go out and murder innocents, but before they can their bomb goes off. Oops! One of them is still alive, if you can call that living.

Mercury News | 08/04/2002 | Europe outlaws spam, but the junk mail keeps on coming

Well, that's depressing. How about instead of fines, jail time for spammers? That'll teach them.

The Nando Times: Bears die in California house fire

Authorities want to question a young caucasian female with blond hair who was spotted leaving the scene.

The Nando Times: Israel restricts Palestinian travel, arrests Hamas activist

Today's weasel word is activist. This is to be used of people who only plan and fund mass murder but do not carry it out themselves.

As for the travel block, it's unfortunate but necessary.

The Nando Times: Chicken salad recalled

Remember chicken salad?

No, no, apparently a North Carolina company has announced a recall of its prepackaged chicken salad. Who buys prepackaged chicken salad? I didn't know they made prepackaged chicken salad.

Fish has a grip on our attention
Headlines about snakehead just keep on hooking us in

Well, this was probably inevitable... Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish media criticism.

Reuters Wire | 08/05/2002 | Six Dead in Attack on Pakistan Church School

Bastards. I don't know yet if Hamas is targeting foreigners in Israel, but I'm now convinced that the terrorists in Pakistan are targeting "Westerners", even if the Westerners in question might be natives of Pakistan.

Tropical Storm Bertha expected to dump heavy rain on Gulf Coast

There was a tropical storm? You can tell I don't watch the local news anymore, because every time there's a tropical storm the weather geeks get all orgasmic and take over the newscast and draw straws to see who gets to go to the Coast and wear a poncho in the rain. Anyway, Louisiana is going to get really wet, which will probably make the West Nile mosquitoes even more active.

IDF seizes Hamas commander behind Safed suicide bombing

Why? They should have shot him out of hand. Now all we're going to get is the EU and UN and Arab League whining about how this arch-terrorist's rights are being violated.

The Nando Times: Disdain for media returns, poll says

Hey, my distain for the media never went away!

The Salt Lake Tribune -- Senator Says War on Iraq Is Needed to Oust Saddam

Now Biden is stealing his lines from Richard Shelby!

CNN.com - Jersey mystery blobs partially explained - August 3, 2002

Mysterious blobs of paraffin wax are showing up on the sidewalks of Camden, NJ. Nobody knows where they're coming from. Flying witches with candles? Neighborhood residents suspect a cover-up.

(Via Meryl Yourish)

CNN.com - U.S. $1.5bn aid deal for Uruguay - August 5, 2002

Well, that's good. And the IMF didn't order the Uruguayan government to seize everyone's pensions or beat up poor people to steal their gold fillings or anything. Yet.

Reuters Wire | 08/04/2002 | Lawmaker Urges Crackdown on Hamas Financing

Arlen Specter thinks that the Saudis are still supporting Hamas (no!) and we should do something about it. Sounds good to me, starting with rounding up the House of Saud and deporting them all to France.

Reuters Wire | 08/04/2002 | Report: Pakistan president unsure Osama planned 9/11

Well, I'm pretty sure that he didn't actually plan the operation. That's not how al-Qaeda is supposed to work. But he paid for it, and probably approved it, and I'll bet supplied manpower. He doesn't have to have been involved in day-to-day planning to have been responsible.

Two killed in suspected ETA bombing

Apparently, the Basque separatists were jealous of all the attention the Palestinians were getting. They need to be smashed, too.

2 killed in W. Bank shooting; death toll rises to 13

More horrors in Israel, this time a married couple killed and their children, ages 3 and 1, injured by gun-wielding terrorists. Words fail me.

Halting 'deer AIDS'
State acts to keep out fatal disease

As if there isn't enough to worry about already, there's Chronic Wasting Disease. (Terrible name.) It's more like Mad Cow than AIDS, and appears to be carried by prions like Mad Cow. So far, it's known only in deer. This story says that it's unlikely to jump to humans, but CNN reported yesterday that three outdoorsmen in Wisconsin (where CWD has lately been found) are suspected to have died of the disease in the 1990s. The big fear would be of the disease jumping to cattle.

Russian priests to talk of religion, spirituality

Two Russian Orthodox Catholic priests will make a presentation, ''Russian Spirituality: Then and Now,'' Tuesday at Faith Presbyterian Church.

This beat out the original title, "Russian Orthodox Priests: We're Allowed to Get Married, So You Can Trust Us With Your Children".

Rapes of teenagers increasing in state
Alabama ranks fourth in nation in number of youths who say they were forced to have sex

Dear God... I doubt that the rate is actually increasing; what's is increasing is more probably the report rate.

A survey done by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta says 10.4 percent of young people in Alabama say they have been forced to have sex, compared to the national average of 7.7 percent. South Carolina, New Jersey and Mississippi had the highest rates.

I wonder what New Jersey is doing in there... I assume that by "young people" they actually mean young women. Ten percent! That's sickening. How does this happen in a theoretically civilized society?

The Nando Times: Turkey's nationalists challenge EU reforms

The Nationalists are actually the largest party in parliament, though short of majority status. And they aren't happy about the abolition of the death penalty or (in particular, I expect) the increase in Kurdish-language rights. Both came in as part of a package to try to get into the EU, but personally I don't think Turkey will get in anyway. If they did, and the Nationalists took over and set the clock back, would the EU kick Turkey out?

Defying China, Taiwan's Leader Backs a Vote on Sovereignty

And you know that is going to go over well in Beijing. If nothing else, this is something to keep in the back of our minds.

Small Bomb Explodes in Lebanon Camp

I've got a question... If this is a "refugee camp", why is there a grocery store for this bomb to go off outside of? I'm guessing this is another "camp" that's really a town, like Jenin. At any event, I'm guessing this is internecine warfare among the Palestinians.

2 killed, 14 hurt in shooting attack in Jerusalem

Not counting the terrorist, who was shot by border policemen; the victims were a Palestinian bystander and a security officer. Meanwhile:

3 injured, 2 seriously, after car fired on near Tul Karm

I don't know if all this is coordinated or if it's more or less coincidental. I don't care, either.

Meryl, they have you surrounded.

Snakeheads discovered in N.C. lake

Two of them about two feet long. The story doesn't say if they're different sexes. If they are, that lake is in trouble. The lake is apparently between North and South Carolina, actually. Snakeheads are legal in NC.

Or not. I made a joke in the comments to Andrea Harris, I think, about how the snakeheads in Florida weren't a problem because the alligators would eat them. Guess what else was found in Lake Wylie lately?

ArabNews: Kingdom, Iran oppose attack

I don't know if hanging out with Iran's government makes the Saudis look bad, or if hanging with the Sauds makes Iran look bad. Or if both are so irredeemably awful that it doesn't matter.

Jordan Times (News Section)
Palestinians accuse army of blocking emergency services in Nablus

Imagine. It's not like Palestinian ambulances have been used as a terror weapon or to transport arms and explosives or something.

Take my signs? Take that!
Councilman accused of assault in dispute over roadside removals

This is one of those stories I don't know what to make of, perhaps because the Birmingham News only got one side of the dispute. Police in Hoover (the largest suburb south of Birmingham) arrested the head of the City Council of Bessemer (an older industrial suburb southwest of Birmingham) for assault after he allegedly (the story doesn't include the qualifier) punching a Hoover resident.

It should be pointed out that W.W. Ledbetter, the Bessemer councilman, is 66 years old, and Porter Vardaman, the Hoover man, is twenty years younger. It also should be noted that the dispute centered around Vardaman removing (and returning to a collection center) Ledbetter campaign signs from Highway 150, which runs between Bessemer and Hoover, and main roads in Bessemer that were a long way from Hoover. (Trust me, as someone who's lived in both cities.) Apparently there's a history between the men and their families.

I expect there's something more here. I'll talk to my father or sister (who work in Bessemer) and ask what they know. I have my suspicions but I won't state them.

Salon.com News | Bishops mull fate of ousted priests

Here's an idea... You provide what you have on them, and we'll house them in one of our fine state prisons for a few years while you figure it out.

Monastaries say they won't take them. I don't disagree with them not wanting to be dumping grounds, but isn't that the traditional destination for disgraced priests?

Ha'aretz - Flash news
AT LEAST SIX KILLED IN SUICIDE BOMBING ON BUS NEAR SAFED

Hamas claimed responsibility. Nine of the wounded are in serious condition. I'm guessing the difference in the death toll from the other story is that this one is counting the murderer among the dead.

I'm going to come out and say it. The United States should declare war upon Hamas. They are killing our allies. They have killed our own people. They have been doing this for years, and Yasser refuses to try and stop them. If the Europeans don't like it, screw them. Hamas must be destroyed.

Update: The death toll has reached 8 according to the AP.
Update: Reuters has it at 9. I'm not going to update this anymore, but I expect the toll to rise. Bastards.

Bomb Explodes on Israeli Bus, Killing Several

Update... At least five are dead, according to reports. I can't take anymore of this.

Explosion Hits Bus in Northern Israel

Oh, God. Not again. Magen David Adom says that there were many casualties in the explosion, which this time took place near Safed. No word on fatalities as yet.

CNN.com - Blair protester is rock star's son - August 3, 2002

Bryan Ferry's son was arrested after trying to enter Tony Blair's home and refusing to give his identity. He was protesting in favor of fox hunting, which really does seem cruel to me. (Fox hunting, that is, not arresting him.)

AP Wire | 08/03/2002 | Two Koreas Say Talks Were Useful

I'll take their word for it. But it seems to me that the talks are always "useful", but nothing ever comes of them except (maybe) more talks. The North is always a brutal dictatorship full of starving people, and nothing ever changes.

IDF troops foil attempt to infiltrate Gaza settlement by sea

I have to admit, at least they're showing a little creativity. Not much, but a Palestinian "frogman" did try to attack a settlement, armed with a Kalashnikov and some grenades. The IDF soon took care of him.