And away we go...

Thomason Tracts

War Liberal is dead. Long live Thomason Tracts. The URL is thomasontracts.wordpress.com, but warliberal.com, macthomason.com, and thomasontracts.com will all redirect there. Come on over.

Now I'm really worried

UPDATE: A-Day a sellout | TideSports.com

A crowd in excess of 92,138. To watch a practice. Jesus.

The final days

So I'm going to be closing War Liberal down in a few days. I've just gotten bored with it. I'm not stopping blogging; my new site on WordPress.com is already set up, though I haven't done anything much with it yet. It probably won't be very different from what I've been doing -- politics and fish. Details to come.

This is insane

Planning needed to navigate Saturday s events | TideSports.com

The city of Tuscaloosa is planning for a huge influx of people to watch... practice. The A-Day spring football game. Sometimes I wonder about this town.

There's also a triathlon going on, and this:

Also Saturday, across the Black Warrior River in downtown Northport, will be a Back to Mayberry fundraising festival that will include impersonators doing such characters as Barney, Goober and Opie.

I can hardly wait.

That's not fair

Study puts Alabama's Medicaid at bottom

We were 42nd! Eight whole states were worse. For Alabama, that's pretty good.

Threats are always useful

NASA rethinks plan to close robotics office

The NASA administrator was talking about closing the Lunar Precursor Robotics Program in Huntsville. In reply, Richard Shelby said that he was counting the days until the administrator lost his job, and Bud Cramer said that the administrator had misled him. And now NASA says that the program will be fine!

They can not be serious

Studios Stalk Tolkien's Hurin

Let's see, it's the story of a guy who knocks up his amnesiac sister and then both of them commit suicide. I can't imagine this not being the feel-good hit of summer, 2010.

See, he's going to win

Sessions adds $545,000 to'08 campaign war chest

If Sparks or whoever runs, Sessions will just overwhelm them with TV. He already had more than $1 million on hand.

Hey, it's another degrading British reality show!

Reality TV show sends fat kids hunting | The Daily Telegraph

In Australia, yet.

If the children want to eat, they must follow the strict rules of the Aborigines, eating plants, grasses and fruits as well as trapping, killing and cooking any animals or insects they find.

If they do not eat the bush tucker, they go hungry.

I certainly think that only an extremely loving parent, and not an attention-hungry psychopath, would do this.

Wow, racist Germans

German army in new racism row - CNN.com

What are the odds?

The instructor tells the soldier, "You are in the Bronx. A black van is stopping in front of you. Three African-Americans are getting out and they are insulting your mother in the worst ways ... Act."

The soldier fires his machine gun several times and yells an obscenity several times in English. The instructor then tells the soldier to curse even louder.

I mean, he's no Don Imus, but at some point you'd think that people would at least learn not to do this stuff on camera. You'd think.

Aah, we're all gonna die!

Asteroid to skirt Earth on future Friday the 13th

The asteroid Apophis, named after a Stargate SG-1 character the ancient Egyptian god of destruction, will make a close pass of the Earth on April 13, 2029. Or not. These things have a tendence to not happen, because asteroid orbits are easily perturbed. Of course, it could smash into the planet and kill everyone in whatever country it hits, plus cause a prolonged winter and starvation.

Serial arsonists

Church arsonists given 2-year state sentences

So after the Three Duhmigos get out of federal prison, they get to go straight to state prison for two years. Maybe they could take notes, tell us which is worse. And there's still the three other counties they haven't been prosecuted in yet, plus the thirteen years probation after they get out.

Please pass this bill.

District Dispatch - Post details: Support Loan Forgiveness for Librarians (Librarian Act of 2007)

Now this is an issue I can get behind. If he'd expand it from public and school libraries serving the underprivileged to academic libraries serving them, I nominate Jack Reed for President.

Fish romance

Captured sturgeon awaits partner

I kinda doubt that the sturgeon is waiting. It's mostly just swimming around and eating, like fish do. It's a fish! Anyway, the scientists are looking for a female. Like scientists do.

This is always fun

Senate expected to debate apologizing for slavery

The real value in these slavery-apology resolutions is waiting for some Republican to say something really stupid. I don't know which one, but I'm guessing Gerald Allen.

Stealth Dome apparently dead

Minds changing on deal for arena

Three of the five commissioners against it; Larry Langford only for it if he can get renovations to the eighty-year-old deathtrap that is Legion Field. So this idea looks to be toast.

CC President Bettye Fine Collins had been for it, but now she fears for the Jefferson County Occupational Tax, and will only support the Stealth Dome if the legislature reiterates support for the tax.

You suck, Rudy

Giuliani seeks votes in Alabama

He isn't really. The original version of this story, I believe, had the headline that he was seeking "votes, money", and considering Alabama's status as the safest of safe GOP states in presidential campaigns, and its primary date in the shadow of the big states, he's mostly after the latter.

Giuliani was asked the price of milk question and was off by a factor of 200. Way off. He thinks a gallon costs about a $1.50. When was the last time he went shopping?

Mean answers to simple questions

why am i not photogenic - Google Search

Because you're ugly.

This has been "Mean answers to simple questions". Thanks for playing!

Sorry, Spencer

Breaking News from The Birmingham News: Bachus seeks federal help for peach farmers

It turns out that this is "pork", which is bad. At least, that's what the president said when relief from farmers was put in the Iraq bill.

I missed this one

al.com: NewsFlash - State biologists hook rare Alabama sturgeon

Internet problems last week, but apparently the Alabama sturgeon is not, quite, extinct, because some biologists caught one in Wilcox County. Unfortunately, it was a male; they had wanted to catch a female they could use in a breeding program. The fish was implanted with a tracking device (just like Scrushy!) and released back into the river.

It's a start

Scrushy must wear GPS tracker when out of area

I'd rather he had to wear it all the time. Even better, if they'd revoke bail and throw him in jail where he belongs. The prosecutor thinks Scrushy's a flight risk and it sure looks like he was up to something in south Florida.

Maybe they can room with Scrushy

3 church arsonists get 7-8 years

What continues to impress is the sheer stupidity of the arsonists, one of whom admitted that:

the three decided to break into a church and set fire to plastic flowers after not having much luck spotlighting deer.

Well, that's a normal reaction, isn't it? I know that if I fail in my efforts to kill a defenseless animal for fun, I usually go out and set fire to something, don't you?

I like that Scrushy has a probation officer

Breaking News from The Birmingham News: Probation officer says Scrushy trip was discussed

However, is he this easygoing with all of his clients? "Sure, take the kids to Disney World, then take a side trip to West Palm. No problem!" Ankle bracelet!

I have an idea

CBS to air colorized version of 1960 event

Maybe while they're adding color to a kinescope of the 1960 Masters, they could add some color to some of the golfers. I'm just saying.

Ztrike! Ztrike! Ztrike!

Bees abandon hives in 27 states

In "Colony Collapse Disorder" (great name) worker bees just fly off and don't return, leaving the nonproductive members of the colony to starve. Alabama has a protection regime in place that doesn't allow the import of bees from other states, and has thus been spared CCD, but it's been reported in surrounding states.

That seems fair

Breaking News from The Birmingham News: Circuit judge Dan King charged, turns self in

My understanding is that the grand jury was given 30 minutes to discuss a 50-odd-count charge, and had no chance to read it in detail. In other words, Judge King (who is a really good judge but one who isn't willing to just do what the authorities want) is getting railroaded by "Troy King", who is no relation.

Hall of Lame

ESPN.com - NBA - Lakers' Jackson leads 2007 Hall of Fame class

So the Basketball Hall of Fame in glamourous Springfield, MA will induct:

Five coaches, including two "international" ones and one from the fricking WNBA;
A referee;
A team, the Texas Western national champs from 1966 (the first all-black NCAA champions, who should have been in already);
No actual players.

It's a sign of a bad Hall of Fame process when they're so willing to honor everyone except the people who do the actual work.

Someone smells blood

Attorney general takes over Stokes murder case

"Troy King" took over a Bibb County murder case, which is his right as AG but not something anyone in Bibb County, on either side, wanted. This being Troy King, it's obvious that he's doing this because he thinks there's a possibility of getting the defendant executed, which is why he does most things.

Lock him up!

Breaking News from The Birmingham News: Prosecutors say Scrushy might be flight risk

The Scrush apparently violated his bail agreement by taking a yacht from Palm Beach to Miami. Which I have to admit seems like the way to go when it comes to violating bail. The government had agreed to allow him to take a family vacation to Disney World, which most felons don't get to do. Anyway, the prosecutor wants him put under house arrest with electronic monitoring (i.e. ankle bracelet). Yay!

I do the puns around here

Town wants clear water

Lead sentence of an article about a town that wants a new water system:

"STEELE - Steele's waters may run deep, but they haven't been very clear."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HILARIOUS! WHAT GENIUS!

Let go already

Drought grips north Alabama

It's getting pretty bad -- only an inch of rain in Birmingham in March, when normally you'd get over five inches. The effect it's having on most people is that we're constantly sneezing. Apparently, plants let out more pollen during a drought, and there's no rain to get rid of it. I don't normally have pollen allergies (my problems are with manmade pollutants) but I've been sneezing more than normal.

I don't think you are.

Dobson: Thompson must express faith - CNN.com

Breaking: James Dobson is an asshole. I know, big surprise.

Dobson said, 'I don't think he's a Christian.'

A Thompson spokesman quickly contested Dobson's statement, saying 'Thompson is indeed a Christian. He was baptized into the Church of Christ.'

But a declaration of Thompson's religion will not be enough for Dobson, who is viewed as being widely influential with evangelical Christians, a key Republican voting bloc.

'We were pleased to learn from his spokesperson that Sen. Thompson professes to be a believer,' said Nima Reza, a Dobson spokeswoman. 'Thompson hasn't clearly communicated his religious faith, and many evangelical Christians might find this a barrier to supporting him.'

I've posted this before, but Dobson seems to be unfamiliar with the Gospels, so here it is again, Matthew, 6:3-6:

But when you give to the needy*, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Of course, this is only Jesus, not James Dobson talking here.

*Yeah, right. Verses 3-4 don't apply to Republicans.

We can't have people with tattoos in the Army!

Uncle Sam wants you, tattoos and all

Apparently, the Alabama National Guard used to red-flag people with prominent tattoos and get them reviewed by officers to see if they were acceptable. Because God knows nobody in the military has a tattoo. Anyway, what with Iraq this policy has been shelved.

Yeah, that was fun

Traffic light software caused rush-hour delays

Tuscaloosa DOT says they don't know what caused the stoplights to get out of sequence. I have a guess -- it was a Daylight Savings Time issue. At any rate, that's when they went bad.

This should be good

IRS seeks Jeffco checks aiding nonprofit group

So we have this nonprofit agency, "Computer Help for Kids", which the IRS is investigating. It was founded by an all-star group: Crazy Larry Langford, Richard Scrushy, and former Birmingham City Councilman and Jefferson County Commissioner John Katopodis. The nonprofit refurbishes used computers and donates them to needy children, which seems like a good thing. However, there seem to be some issues in CHK's books, which are all tangled up with another foundation founded by Katopodis and with the Holy Family Catholic school's foundation, headed by Langford's wife. Langford and Scrushy... Even if there's nothing here, I have to cover this.

Nerdvana

HBO, BBC discover 'Einstein' project

1. It's a TV movie about Einstein and his theory of relativity.
2. Einstein will be played by Anthony "Gollum" Serkis.
3. Arthur Eddington will be played by David "Doctor Who" Tennant.

I am so geeked out by this I might even spring for HBO.

The comedy stylings of police Cmdr. Chris Tennant

Police: Man swiped 1,500 women's undies - CNN.com

So this perp stole 93 pounds of underwear from apartment complex laundry rooms. Cmdr. Tennant really enjoys his job:

"He said he had a problem," Tennant said...

"We were kind of concerned about how to match up bras and panties with victims," Tennant said. "Based on the unique descriptions from a couple of women, we can tie him to those thefts."

The underwear will be held as evidence until the case is resolved, after which their disposition is uncertain, Tennant said.

"Would you really want them back?" he asked. "I would say not."

Well, probably not, no. But I'm really curious about these "unique descriptions".

Why did she start wearing one?

Woman stopped wearing girdle of live crocodiles - CNN.com

So apparently a woman tried to cross the border between Egypt and Gaza -- only one of the most heavily guarded and inspected crossings in the world -- with three live crocodiles strapped to her waist. I suppose it's not the most dangerous thing that someone in that part of the world has had strapped to their body, but it's still pretty scary.

(h/t Meryl.)

That does seem shady

Residents fight sale of old City Hall site

Apparently, the city of Homewood sold its old City Hall to a developer for $1.1 million even though the site was valued at $2 million, and the city attorney says that that's okay because they don't have to follow the state law about selling to the highest bidder. Generally, when a government agency -- or anyone -- sells property for less than the going rate, there is some nefarious reason.

My car is greenish-yellow

There's how much pollen?

Which is weird, because the registration says it's black.

Anyway, there's a whole lot of pollen. Nobody knows how much for sure, because there's no pollen monitor in Birmingham.

I wish it were so

Daily Kos: AL-Sen: Introducing Ron Sparks

Swing State Project's James L takes a look at Alabama Agriculture and Industry Commissioner and veteran Ron Sparks, otherwise known as the guy that can take out Sen. Jeff Sessions in a tough Southern state.

Sessions is beneath contempt. And I wish Sparks could beat him. I just don't see it. Alabama's not just a tough Southern state, it's now probably the most conservative and most Republican (in statewide elections) of the South.

The peculation of David Stockman

Ex-Collins & Aikman cheif [sic] charged with fraud - Mar. 26, 2007

I saw the link "Ex-Reagan budget chief charged" and said to myself, "Oh, please let it be David Stockman!" and it was! I hope he shares a cell with Scrushy.

In which I plant tomatoes in my car

1. Seeds need what to sprout? Heat and moisture, right?
2. So where is a better place to plant tomato seeds than in a watered pot which I keep in my car, since my car is going to be 100 degrees at noon thanks to the heat and the sun?

This is crazy, right?

School's out forever

No closing list until tests over

The Birmingham Board of Education -- which is kind of like the Birmingham City Council if the City Council were completely inept -- won't vote on what schools will close (they're being forced to close some because the state thinks that the current ones aren't overcrowded enough) until after testing, because schools are now run for the expressed purpose of having standardized tests. That's all they're for. Anyway, apparently last time they closed schools, students got all depressed and did worse on their tests. But after the testing is over, who cares if the students are depressed? We have tests to prepare.

And yet, nobody noticed

Northern Irish power deal marks 'new era' - CNN.com

You would think that a power-sharing deal between the Unionists and Sinn Fein would be all over the news. But it doesn't seem to be. I guess we've moved on. Bigger and better terrorism elsewhere.

That will come in handy

Alabamians beat nation in Biblical knowledge

Thanks to our advantage over the heathen hordes in Biblical knowledge, Alabama will be competitive in the fast-growing Bible Trivia industry.

The grass fights back

1999 Jasper bomb case still open

Jeez, somebody put a bomb in a lawnmower? That's pretty hard-core.

Spring has been cancelled

We are going directly to summer. It is 87 degrees outside at solar noon. On March 24.

They also love the nightlife

Jeffco supports nightlife district

The county commission voted to "encourage" the Civic Center board to partner up with the Beale Street people to build an "entertainment district", whatever that is. They're still bickering about the Birmingdome, however.

They're a Fox affiliate, that's for sure

MyFox Birmingham | Body Found Hanging From Tree in Bessemer

Because, apparently, they have footage.