Disturbing Search Requests

Frankly, I'm not sharing this one because it's obscene. It apparently refers to the sexual practices of someone named "Tim" in Australia who has a blog on Blogspot.

ajc.com | Sports | Masters will be shown without commercials

You know, it's kind of admirable to stand up for a completely wrongheaded principle to such a degree that you'll give up millions of dollars. Augusta National Golf Club is so set against letting women in that they'll sponsor the tournament themselves and ditch the sponsors who were pressuring them to join the modern era.

Bill would restrict commutations

"You know, we're not killing nearly enough people. What we should do is restrict the governor's power to commute death sentences!"

This wouldn't actually do that. It would limit the governor's commutation power to only changing a death penalty conviction to life without parole. You know how many death penalties have been commuted in this state, by the way? One.

Dominion has a history of Labor Day. And it's a good explanation of why I'm still a unionist.

Manatees coming back to Mobile Bay

So you sport boaters in Mobile Bay can get the same thrill of butchering a defenseless and harmless creature that Floridians have long cherished! Now, you guys go get liquored up and have some fun motoring!

Vigilante Mayor!

Drivers say Alabaster mayor crosses line

The mayor of Alabaster (a south-of-Birmingham suburb) says he isn't taking the law into his own hands. He's merely tailing people in his official vehicle and then calling police to the scene to charge them with traffic violations. Which is completely different.

The Nando Times: John Walker Lindh seeks forgiveness from Americans, lawyers say

Poor little baby. Baby want his bottle?

If you're going to be a traitor, you should at least stand up for your treason.

(ID: warliberal, Password: warliberal)

The World Wide Rant

Congratulations to Andy, whose wife is expecting. Good luck, you crazy kids.

Condredge's Acolytes is Steve Smith's new college football weblog. I'll be posting there sporadically, focusing on the SEC.

DC Baseball in 2003?

Agreement Reached, Games to Continue (washingtonpost.com)

I thought I'd throw this out there relating to Baseball finally coming up with a Collective Bargaining Agreement without a work stoppage. Part of the agreement is that the owners pledged to not contract any teams until 2006. Now, the Montreal Expos are currently under the ownership of MLB itself and were expected to be contracted. (I never really bought that.) As it is, baseball is supposedly not viable in Montreal. Given that, the Expos would have to move, the first team relocation since the mid-seventies. Washington (the last city to lose a team) seems the most probable location.

AP Wire | 08/30/2002 | Island Advertises for Shepherd

They're looking for a married couple, actually, or I'd be on this like a shot. I mean, shepherd jobs don't open up all the time.

Fun With Referrer Logs

Google Search: in times of war will you die for singapore

No.

Yahoo! News - Fox Fishes for Reality in 'Green Acres'

No, this is different than the "Beverly Hillbillies" reality show. That's on CBS. The only question remaining is which of NBC or ABC will have a reality program based upon "Petticoat Junction".

I won't watch any of them. "Survivor" is the only reality program worth anything.

Meryl, the Incredible Thulk, and Me

We're taking on the Copyright Police!

Erosion of Our Rights Update

49% think First Amendment goes too far

Well, that's just dandy. Let me exercise my rights -- while I still have them -- and say that 49% of Americans are a bunch of subliterate, underintelligent, drooling, mouthbreathing, cryptofascist jackasses who deserve to spend the rest of their lives watching Touched By An Angel reruns on the PAX network.

At least Ashcroft is happy. I will point out that Republicans and the Religious Right are more likely to be among the 49 percenters, which is exactly what I've been saying all along. Why "Libertarians" can't figure this out is beyond me.

Hollywood stars glitter in Roswell

I knew it! They're space aliens! Think about it, short and skinny, with big heads!

Oh, wait a minute. This is a story about Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward moving to Roswell, Georgia. Never mind.

ajc.com | Photo gallery | MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS 2002

Is that Britney Spears, or is it a wax mannequin borrowed for the occasion? And is there any difference anymore?

Howard Dean 2004

It's empty now, but someone's set up a Howard Dean blog!

CNN.com - Chain sues to edit sex, violence from films - August 30, 2002

Ugh. Isn't there a Federal law saying that retailers can't do that?

The plaintiffs claim they have a First Amendment right to excise foul language, sexual content and violence from videos destined for private use.

Let me get this straight: You're claiming the First Amendment gives you the right to censor? My brain hurts.

Palestinian: Stop Suicide Bombings

Well, here's somebody who's not long for this world:

The Palestinian security chief called for an end to suicide bombings against Israel, denouncing ``murders for no reason,'' in an interview published Friday in an Israeli newspaper.

No reason? Gosh, think of all they've accomplished!

Reuters AlertNet - Lebanon cleric urges Muslims to withdraw funds from US

OOOH, if the Muslims of Lebanon withdrew their funds from the U.S., that might cripple our economy! I'm not sure how, but it's very scary.

Swedish man arrested over suspected hijack attempt

A Swede of Tunisian origin was arrested on suspicion of planning a hijack of a plane flying between Stockholm and London. He had a gun with him in his "toilet bag", which I suppose is a British word for a small carry-on and not some sort of bathroom aid.

At any event, it's nice to know other countries have terrible airport security as well. Well, it's not really nice to know, but at least we're not alone.

Translations from the Reuterese

"[N]early a year to the day since the September 11 suicide attacks on the United States."
Translation: Nearly a year after a group of terrorists hijacked four planes and killed over 3000 people.

AP Wire | 08/30/2002 | WTO allows Europe to impose sanctions

Boy, it's a good thing we're in favor of free trade, isn't it? Actually, the tax breaks under dispute (certainly illegal under current trade agreements -- even we admit that) are up for review and might be rescinded. There's still the Bush Steel Giveaway to deal with, though.

Extremely Disturbing Search Requests

Web Ferret Results

I don't know what this is, but I don't like the looks of it. "email+bomb"?

Disturbing Search Requests

Google Search: Hoops blogs and maggots

West Nile not culprit in pigeon deaths here

What did kill 100 Huntsville pigeons? The vet doesn't know. It wasn't West Nile, but now we have a Mystery Pigeon Disease on our hands.

CNN.com - Will ice melt open fabled Northwest Passage? - August 29, 2002

In the next ten years, yet. All those explorers back in the 16th and 17th centuries, they weren't wrong. They were just too early.

A cleared Northwest Passage would be bad for the Inuit, at least in the short term. It would be good for Europeans and East Asians, because the route would be much quicker. And it would be terrible for Panama.

Of course, There's No Such Thing As Global Warming.

Nigerian Islamic Court Issues Two More Death By Stoning Sentences

Making its stand for equal rights, the sharia court has sentenced a woman and a man to death. They're very progressive.

If we're not at war with Islamic Fundamentalism, why the hell not?

Department of Boring Search Requests

Google Search: ragu vs. prego

Most pets safe from West Nile

Yep. Since he can go outside, I'm training my dog to do the shopping and get the mail. Unfortunately, he just brought back 40 pounds of Gaines Burgers and he chewed the phone bill to bits.

(Broken link caused by Tuscaloosa News tomfoolery fixed.)

Krispy Kreme earnings jump, topping estimates

Keep eating doughnuts, its good for the economy. Remember, if you reach your ideal weight, the terrorists win.

Snakehead Fish Outlawed in N.C.

I assume that just means live snakeheads. The report of snakeheads found in a North Carolina lake (actually, between North and South Carolina) was almost certainly a hoax.

I have a policy here of not talking about work except in the vaguest of terms (well, I talk about cataloging, but that really effects only me -- I won't talk about interpersonal stuff, or the students), and not telling stories about the college I work for. Now, anybody who's read this for any length of time -- and who really cares -- should easily be able to tell where I work, even if I haven't slipped and mentioned it. But generally, I don't tell what's going on around here.

But right now, there's a story about the school that's been in the papers and which I'm dying to make fun of. And there's something going on in the library that's even more fun. It's no fun holding this in.

CNN.com - Seattle man indicted on terror charges - August 29, 2002

James Ujaama, an activist (not a Hamas/Reuters style "activist", but really someone active in the community and said to try to help people) is an American citizen. He's 36 years old, born James Thompson. To be honest, he doesn't seem a likely suspect to be a terrorist. As I say below, I now automatically disbelieve everything that comes out of John Ashcroft's Justice Department. My guess is that this is one of those cases where an informant is making things up or stretching the truth.

I don't know that for sure. Maybe Ujaama is a terrorist. But given Justice's record of late, would it surprise anyone to find out that he isn't?

Reuters Wire | 08/29/2002 | Hamas Vows New Attacks to Avenge Gaza Killings

Yep, that's standard Hamas for you... Israel has apologized for the killing of a Palestinian family in Gaza. And they're investigating to find out what went wrong. Hamas has never apologized for anything, and only investigates to find out what went wrong when a bomb doesn't kill anyone. But the sides are morally equivalent, right?

Guardian Unlimited | World Latest | Airlines Refuses Ticket to Dalai Lama

A little tense problem in the headline there... Asiana Airlines of South Korea refused to give the Dalai Lama a ticket, because of Chinese pressure.

``We had respectfully asked the Dalai Lama to take a route that doesn't stop in Seoul for his and other passengers' safety,'' said Kim Haeng-seok, an Asiana spokesman.

What, he's going to hijack the plane or something?

5 in Detroit indicted as al Qaeda 'sleepers' / FBI says cell's job was to scout airport, buy guns

Typically, they appear to have been in custody for 11 months. But who care about their civil rights, right? Right now, I don't really believe anything that comes out of the Justice Department. I figure the odds are these guys are just simple petty criminals who happen to be Muslim.

Not Really That Disturbing New Zealander Search Requests

Google Search: nz parking tickets law excuse

NBC, J.Lo base sitcom on la vida Lopez

I'm sorry, let me check my eyes...

Okay, yes, NBC is developing a pilot for a series based on Jennifer Lopez's teen years. We are in a parody of a real universe, aren't we?

IHT: Hitchhiking species a threat worldwide

Yes, yes they are. So everyone remember -- never pick up a hitchhiker. Especially if he's not human.

Hamdullah Zedan, executive secretary of the Convention on Biological Diversity, said that a more effective international system to prevent bio-invasions is urgently needed.

More international cooperation is needed. But I get the idea that what Mr. Zedan would like is some sort of giant UN bureaucracy which would have inspectors allowed to go just about everywhere and look for invasive species and generally be annoying and violate privacy whenever. I don't know that for sure, but I suspect it.

NEWS.com.au | Hamas leader arrested (August 29, 2002)

Hooray for the Israelis. Abdul Haleq Natsheh is a spokesman for the terrorist group and their leader in Hebron.

As for Agence France-Presse, they call Hamas a "radical group" which has "carried out a wave of suicide bombings". Apparently, that isn't enough to be called a terrorist anymore.

Publisher sues after buying novel from man who falsely claimed he was Carlo Gambino's grandson

I'm sure that Simon & Schuster (fondly known as "Simon's Shoe Store") wouldn't have bought the book if it wasn't good, right? HA!

CNN.com - Six found shot to death at Alabama house - August 28, 2002

Oh, man. Long way away from me, but still.

SAT scores land Georgia in 50th place

There! How do you like being last in something? Not so funny now, is it?

Fun With Referrer Logs And Homonyms

Google Search: From witch states are the space shuttles launched

I never trusted Florida.

Slippery Slope Update

Airport security trainee to stay in jail
Avrahom Yeshurom Kaiser, held on child pornography charges, to remain in custody until judge's decision on prosecutors' appeal

Kaiser was originally under suspicion for bragging that he could get a weapon through airport security. He was being trained for that job at the time. He was fired, and the Feds turned his life inside out. They didn't find any sort of terrorist materials or inclinations. They did find a couple of pictures on his computer that they call child pornography; from what I know it seems very questionable that that was the intent, especially since it was only two pictures.

Anyhow, they arrested him. And now they're trying to keep him in jail after a magistrate ordered his release. He's manic-depressive and wasn't getting his medication (no insurance, no money) and his mother says that's why he acted up. I don't know one way or another, but it sure looks like the government's going overboard -- again.

Can somebody figure out this guy's first and middle names for me, by the way? It looks more Hebrew than anything else, but it doesn't look right for that either.

Poll shows close race
The two gubernatorial candidates each received 43 percent in survey

The poll was commissioned by the Business Council of Alabama, which as you might expect tends to support Republicans. (And is obsessed with "tort reform".) They've endorsed Bob Riley. I'd tend to interpret a dead heat in their poll as reflecting an actual small edge for Gov. Siegelman. Normally that wouldn't be good news for an incumbent to be tied or have a slight lead, but he was widely assumed to be doomed a few months ago. He was down seven points in an independent poll in May.

I'm still planning to vote for the Libertarian. Two percent of those polled agree with me.

Thompson: TV role won't hinder Senate job

I don't see why it would. Being a Senator -- especially one not running for re-election -- really isn't a time consuming job. And the head DA on Law & Order doesn't usually appear in more than about five minutes an episode. My guess is he'll spend less time filming than he would have running for re-election. And the show's in New York, so there's not a long commute to and from Washington.

I like the show a lot, so I'm willing to be forgiving. If he took a job on Judging Amy or Providence or anything on ABC I might be less forgiving. But heck, he's not my Senator. My Senators are busy getting things named after them and running for re-election.

Council raises its pledge to dome

I pledge allegiance to the Dome of the Birmingham-Jefferson County area.
And to the metropolitan area for which it stands.
One metropolitan area, under Richard Scrushy, Chairman of Healthsouth.
With higher hotel taxes and bond payment rates for all.

Oh, I'm in trouble now.

Anyway, the City Council pledged $2 million for a domed stadium. Assuming four percent inflation, at $500 million for a dome, that means they could build it... hmm, let me check... Never.

U.S. Troops Focus on Border's Caves to Seek bin Laden

To be honest, I don't think he's alive, but if he is alive, I don't think we'd ever find him unless someone betrays him. It seems to me that if there are that many hiding places, he can just keep moving and we'd almost certainly never catch him.

Alabamians raise scores on college-entrance SAT

That's nice, but it doesn't mean a whole lot. Alabama is basically an ACT state. Only the top students take the SAT, because the state schools, and most of the regional ones, accept the ACT. I never took the SAT myself, because I knew I was going to wind up at Alabama or UAB (I wound up going to both schools), so there was no point in expending the time and effort. Unless you're planning on going to a big out-of-state school, or aiming for a scholarship, you don't take the SAT -- only about nine percent of high school seniors in Alabama did this year. I guess it's good that our best students did a little better, but frankly I wasn't worried about them.

Clean Water Discussed at Earth Summit

"Waiter! Waiter! There's something in my water! And I don't think this is Evian, either! Get me another glass, and make sure it's clean this time!"

2 men thought dead since 9/11 found alive
Both are in hospitals; N.Y. regularly revising list of missing from attack

Hey, they found another one. This was a homeless man, who like the other formerly-missing man was in a hospital.

Just Plain Weird Search Requests

Google Search: cobb county junkyard homepage

Jacko To Play Poe?

Uh... Okay. I suppose Michael Jackson is strange enough to play Edgar Allan Poe. Pale enough, too, when it comes down to it.

Fun With NPR

Nothing on the radio on the way home, and my CD player doesn't work in the heat for some reason. So I turn on All Things Considered (I know, I know) and the NPR guy is interviewing some sort of Saudi flack. I couldn't listen for long, but there was this exchange (paraphrased because what are you expecting, notes?):

NPR GUY: Some critics say that Saudi Arabia, and Egypt too, aren't democratic and are afraid of freedom in Iraq, which would destabilize the region.

SAUDI FLACK: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Saudi Arabia has been ruled by, has had the same government for 217 [possibly 270 -- MT] years. We are not concerned about that. But as an ally, a friend, we are advising the United States.

None of that's made up. I was going to point out the blatant lies, but it's all blatant lies. And how in the world can he justify saying the Sauds have ruled Arabia that long? 100 years ago they were a pack of nomads.

First, the Giant Leaping Attack Sturgeon epidemic sprung up in the Eastern Gulf of Mexico. Now they've found a freshwater ally in the Big Muddy:

A Huge, Boat-Hurdling Carp Is No Mississippi Fish Story

I'd heard of the imported carp possibly getting into the Great Lakes, to which they're well-suited, and causing problems. But now they've taken to jumping into boats and hitting people in the face.

Now a more recent arrival, the black carp, is stirring alarm from New Orleans to Ontario. Also known as the snail carp and the Chinese roach, the black carp is a bottom-sucking ogre that can grow five feet long and up to 150 pounds. It gorges on mollusks — including parasite-infested ram's horn snails, which can populate ponds and infect the catfish with wormy yellow grubs. Teeth in the back of its throat grind up its prey like garbage disposals.

If this one escapes and takes to leaping into boats, we're all in trouble.

(Thanks to the Linkmeister.)

Ky. Plant Cited for Bathroom Policy

Christ. The Jim Beam distillery in Clermont instituted a bathroom policy. Workers were limited to four breaks per eight and a half hour shift. And only one of those could be unscheduled. "Just trying to keep our productivity up!" They have workers urinating on themselves, wearing Depends, and faking illnesses to go home. That's just great for productivity, I'm sure!

I have to ask if it's really wise to restrict workers' bathroom privileges in a bourbon distillery. You're just asking for someone to relieve himself in the product. My suggestion is to not drink anything from there until this is straightened out.

Powder Found in Mail at Gore Office

It appears that the Anthrax Terrorist knows who really won.

Disturbing American Search Requests

Google Search: manilow airport

Oh, man, the terrorists have their worst weapon yet!

Disturbing German Search Requests

Google-Suche: tupperware scheisse

I don't want to know.

SatireWire | SATIREWIRE HAS LANDED

Aw, hell. (Via Laurence Simon.)

CNN.com - Sticky gecko toes have little hairs to thank - August 27, 2002

Apparently geckos have little hairs on their hands. Fill in your own joke. I'm trying to figure out how a reptile has hair.

Sony ejects Betamax at long last - Tech News - CNET.com

One of my standard jokes is "X is still in business?" sometimes in the form "Y still makes Z?" Usually I know that they're still around, I'm just poking fun at someone whose business hasn't been doing too well. But I am genuinely stunned to discover that Sony was still making Betamax machines. I'm a little surprised to find that they're still making Betamax tape -- and that will continue.

Cramer says area outlook good with funding for missile defense

"It's been a good year for defense appropriations and therefore a good year for Huntsville, according to U.S. Rep. Bud Cramer, who gave some 500 lunch guests in his hometown a Washington update Monday.

Sept. 11 convinced many in Congress that more money is needed for missile programs like those based here, said Cramer, D-Huntsville. "The missile-defense budget for 2003 looks very good."

"Because Congressmen are stupid and think that a missile defense system would have been able to stop the flying of hijacked passenger aircraft into buildings," Cramer (D-Raytheon) didn't add but immediately came to mind when I read that. Jeez, Osama should probably get a tip. 3500 people dead, but it's all good for Huntsville! Jeez, if the original death estimates had held, Huntsville would be entering a golden age!

He also pushed projects to "revitalize" downtown Huntsville. Revitalization, of course, is code for "lots of nice red brick everywhere at taxpayer's expense".

CNN.com - Egypt fears division of Sudan - August 27, 2002

I can see why -- Egypt has enough problems without its southern neighbor breaking up. But Sudan as constituted really doesn't make sense as a country. It's large and unwieldy, and the southern parts of the country (which may secede under a possible peace plan) are ethnically and religiously unlike the north. There's no reason for these two regions to be one country except that somebody sometime decided they were. That the Arab, Islamic north (which is ruled by Islamists trying to impose sharia on the whole country) should rule over a predominantly "African" and Christian or animist south is nonsensical.

Egypt is afraid that the breakups might spread to the rest of Africa. Of course, most African states are ethnically diverse -- Egypt is the exception in that it actually makes sense as a country. Among the many ways Europeans screwed up Africa was in how they divided it up when they left. I grow more convinced as time goes by that Africa will have to find its own paradigm, something unlike the European nation-state. The USA, or (maybe better) Canada would seem better role models -- confederations of smaller entities, each keeping some degree of self-determination and maintaining their own identities. (Heck, the EU model actually makes some sense.) So many of Africa's nightmares have come because they've tried to mold European-style nations out of diverse groups, and it just doesn't work. (It doesn't work in Europe, either. See Yugoslavia for an example.)

Greene County students boycott classes
Nearly two-thirds sit out while parents protest school finances

The parents are evidently products of the Greene County school system. By holding their children out of school, they are (naturally) lowering the attendance. Which will lower the amount they get from the state, which is based on the first 40 days' attendance. Just the absences on Monday will cost the system $24,500 -- or roughly half a teacher.

Vance will build Mercedes combo
Production to start in 2004 on sport-utility/touring car

Vance is a place in this case, not a person. It's the location of the Mercedes plant where they build the M-Class SUVs. And now, apparently, "a combination sport-utility/touring car... aimed at 'premium market' car buyers." Three predictions:

1. It will be as ugly as sin.
2. It will get terrible gas mileage, but better than American SUVs.
3. It will sell really well, because Mercedes usually knows what it's doing except for that stupid Chrysler acquisition.

Mercedes showed an experimental version of the sports tourer at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit in January. That version seated six passengers, and had electronic four-wheel drive, 22-inch wheels and a 360-horsepower V8 engine.

That second prediction is really fish-in-a-barrel time. What do you think, six miles to the gallon, four in the city?

Egypt Warns Against Attack on Iraq

Oh, we're so scared! Why, if the powerful Egyptian military isn't around to help, the war might take ten minutes longer.

CBS News | More Than Shoppers Bargained For | August 27, 2002 09:25:48

Shoppers in a Muscle Shoals (the northern part of Alabama) Wal-Mart found Klan business cards stuck in the books in a patriotic display. Lynne Cheney's books, to be precise.

ABCNEWS.com : Man Missing Since 9/11 Found Alive

Wow. George Sims was reported lost after the attacks, but earlier this month his family was contacted by a hospital. He's there, diagnosed with amnesia and schizophrenia, so it's not exactly a miracle, but still...

Emus eat feed, fruit and insects

"Dad, it followed me home, can we keep it?"

"Son, that's an ostrich."

"No, Dad, I think it's an emu. Can we keep it?"

"Well, if it doesn't scare the chickens."

William Gates (his real name) of Silverhill and his son were feeding their chickens when an emu just wandered up and joined them. Gates says if nobody claims her he'll keep her. And that he'd wanted to raise emus 20 years ago but didn't have the space then.

NEWS.com.au | Nuns 'raped orphans': Bulletin (August 27, 2002)

Uh... I'm not sure what to say about this. Well, it sounds a lot like the "recovered" (that is, implanted) "memories" of Satanic abuse that caused so many problems here a few years ago. I'm not saying that this didn't happen, only what my first thought was.

Governments agree to end overfishing

The World Summit has agreed to end the overfishing of the planet's oceans by 2015. The agreement, which has potentially far-reaching implications for fishing fleets and marine biodiversity round the world, was among the first concrete deals negotiated by national delegations in Johannesburg. The UK delegation is claiming to have masterminded the conservation pact, pushing it through the European Union, which won approval from summit negotiators.

Well, good for the Brits. But (I'm going to sound like a wooly-headed one-worlder here, bear with me) it won't do any good if nothing is done about the collapsing Third World economies. Are you going to keep a starving man from catching fish to feed himself and his family? I wouldn't, and I'm a pretty ardent environmentalist. Speaking of which...

Environmentalists welcomed the agreements, but say they would have preferred a deal that emphasised conservation, rather than maximising the yields of fishing fleets.

Ah, yes. Let's make it a moral imperative rather than tying it to everyone's best long-term self-interest. Because then it's doomed to fail. I'm in favor of conservation, but the simple fact is that people are going to use the oceans, and it's much better that we make sure they know how to use them wisely rather than lecture them about how they're damaging the ecosystem.

Caffeine, Tea Compound May Reduce Skin Cancer Risk

So, theoretically, if you are exposed to heavy sunlight and weren't wearing sunscreen, you would rub tea all over yourself afterwards to avoid skin cancers.

Great Moments In Headline Writing

Aug. 26, 2002: Yahoo makes up a word.

Chineses Mental Wards Probe Planned

CNN.com - Source: WH aides say Bush can hit Iraq - August 26, 2002

"Congress? Why the heck should Congress get a say in this? Heck, half of them are Democrats!"

Dave Marsh: Selling Out?

Alexander Cockburn has completely lost it. (Thanks to Terry.)

CNN.com - Man jailed for 17 years exonerated of 1984 rape, murder - August 26, 2002

Boy, nice justice system we got here, huh? 110 unjustly convicted people in the USA have been exonerated through DNA evidence. Now, think of all the people who don't have any DNA evidence to clear them. (For instance, when there's no evidence any crime has been committed.) What happens to them? Does anyone actually think that it's just the people who can be cleared by DNA who are unjustly convicted? Right.

Mercury News | 08/26/2002 | Corel gets WordPerfect pact for HP Pavilion desktop PCs

Corel is still in business? And they're still making WordPerfect? Whoa, Canada! On the other hand:

Shares of Corel were at 87 cents late Monday morning on the Nasdaq Stock Market, up 12 cents, or 16 percent, on heavy volume.

If I want to buy a few shares, do I need exact change?

Police Chase Stolen Forklift

This was in York, England: apparently British criminals haven't gotten the idea about high speed chases yet. Though I think stealing a forklift might be fun.

America's War on 'Frankenfish'

Better late than never, the Moscow Times has a story on the Dreaded Snakehead, written by a writer from a notorious pinko rag.

Fish to benefit from purchase of 2 power plants

Okay, first they invade our ponds. Then they start assaulting motorboatists. (Most of whom, admittedly, deserve it.) Now they're buying up our power plants.

The Nando Times: Delaware compiles future suspects list

Delaware does seem to be trying for "worst state in the Union" status, huh? As an Alabamian, I say they're welcome to it.

Anyway, this is just brilliant. They're letting police decide who they think is likely to break the law in the future. Then the "suspects" -- many of whom have no records at all -- go in a database. Guess what color most of them are!

(Nando is asking for registration now. It's free, or use ID warliberal, password warliberal. That's case-sensitive. Via Atrios, who's keeping 'em honest.)

Ananova - Survey shows world's reefs at risk

Here's your sustainability problem. And here's a picture of some people fishing a reef using dynamite:



Funny, they don't look like Americans, but they must be since they're damaging the environment!

I'm all for sustainability, just like I'm all for ending racism. But having big meetings to blame the US for everything up to and including the extinction of the woolly mammoth isn't helping matters.

Riley: Tax woes not a relevant campaign issue

"So I was late paying my taxes once or twice or numerous times or basically every year since 1988. And I'm running for governor on a tax reform platform. I just don't see how it's relevant, do you?"

Captain Euro and the Unrepentent Unilateralists

[SCENE: A column of US Army troops in KUWAIT are headed towards the border with IRAQ. A COLONEL and his AIDE are in the lead humvee, driven by a SERGEANT. They see a man in a brightly colored uniform ahead of them and slow down to investigate]

CAPTAIN EURO: Stop this criminal action!

COLONEL: Excuse me?

EURO: This attack is not sanctioned by the international community! You must go back where you came from and get sanction from the UN!

SERGEANT: [sotto voce] I thought you guys didn’t like the sanctions.

COLONEL: Now, listen here. I have orders from the President to seize… [His AIDE nudges him.] Well, never mind what the orders are, it’s none of your business. But we don’t need to go to the UN.

EURO: I am afraid that you must. Only through international consensus can true peace be found.

COLONEL: We don’t care about international consensus. We’re trying to keep Saddam from getting nuclear weapons!

EURO: I am sure that if he gets nuclear weapons the UN will be willing to authorize a joint international peacekeeping force.

SERGEANT: [sotto voce] “Joint”, let’s go with that.

AIDE: I heard that.

COLONEL: Mister, if we wait until he has nuclear weapons, your peacekeepers would all wind up vaporized. Along with Israel and most of the rest of the Middle East.

EURO: Ah-ha! So the truth comes out! You’re just doing the bidding of the Israelis!

SERGEANT: Can I shoot him, sir?

COLONEL: It’s tempting, but no. [To EURO] Son, we’re acting in our best national interest, which just happens to be in the interests of most everyone else. Now, please get out of the way.

EURO: Non. I will not do that. [He sits down in front of the humvee.]

COLONEL: All right, have it your way. Sergeant, go around him.

SERGEANT: Yes, sir. [He backs up a couple of feet then bypasses EURO to the right. The rest of the column follows him.

EURO: Oh, come on! That’s not fair! Come back! Oh, mierda.

ABCNEWS.com : Wall Street Worries About Iraq War Cost

Yeah, there was one good thing about having the coalition last time -- we got them to pay for it. This time we'll have to pay for it ourselves.

Reuters Wire | 08/26/2002 | Jailed Palestinian Militant Chief on Hunger Strike

Sounds great. Let him hunger strike. If he wants to starve to death, it'll save the expense of a trial, plus it'll be fun to watch him waste away to nothing.

Oh, and it's "terrorist", not "militant", though what do I expect at this stage?

Banks believes justice will come

Medell Banks believes he will be let out of prison and cleared of the charges -- the murder of a nonexistent baby -- that have kept him there for the last three years. I hope he's right, but he has a sub-70 IQ. And the Choctaw County DA is still trying to keep him there, despite his conviction being overturned.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Obsolete incinerator parts built anyway

The Army spent $15 million on equipment that was never used, all for the chemical weapons incinerator in Anniston. Way to go, guys.

More Disturbing Search Requests

AOL Search: Search Results for "captain america action figure upside down"

That's an odd fetish.

Disturbing Spanish Search Requests

Búsqueda en Google: hawkgirl nude

Something you need to tell us, Emily?

Disturbing Danish Search Requests

Google-søgning: pamela anderson picture with plastic ducks

Schroeder Faces Rival in Debate on German T.V.

Is it just me, or does Edmund Stoiber (left) look like an alien? Ever see "This Island Earth"?

Mercury News | 08/25/2002 | `X-File fish' that can walk on the loose

It's a very special day. Sure, Maureen Dowd wrote of the Dreaded Chinese Snakehead Walking Fish. And so did Ellen Goodman. But now, Dave Barry has his take.

AP Wire | 08/24/2002 | Disney Salmonella Outbreak Probed

What do you expect when you let giant rodents handle the food?

Politics and 'Star Trek' mix in Ohio governor's race

Kate Mulgrew's husband is running for Ohio governor as a Democrat, and she brought in some of her former castmates to help campaign. Shatner, too. So you have members of the cast of the worst Star Trek ever, plus a Canadian in a toupee.