The following is part of a blogburst, a simultaneous, cross-linked posting of many blogs on a single theme. This blogburst concerns Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spinoff series, Angel. For a guide to other Buffy/Angel articles, go to The Buffy BlogBurst Index.

Captain Euro Goes to Sunnydale

[BUFFY has gotten word that a group of demons is attempting to raise a master demon that will destroy the world. Again. She and SPIKE are on their way to stop them. They stand at the entry of an alleyway, the end of which is the demon nest.]

SPIKE: Right, Slayer, I’ve fought these demons before. What we need to do is—

BUFFY: Go in, fight, behead, go home.

SPIKE: Sounds good.

CAPTAIN EURO: Excuse me, citoyens, may I be of assistance?

SPIKE: Nice outfit. Lose a bet?

BUFFY: Who are you?

EURO: I am Captain Euro, the incarnation of the striving towards unity of all European people!

[BUFFY and SPIKE laugh.]

BUFFY: Okay, can you go incarnate somewhere else? It’s not very safe around here right now.

EURO: Because of the demons?

BUFFY: How did you -- I mean, what are you talking about?

EURO: I know that you are the Vampire Slayer, and that you are attempting to wage war against the demons whom you believe are about to destroy the world.

SPIKE: Pretty close. Luv, is there anyone left who doesn’t know you’re the Slayer?

XANDER: Who doesn’t know you’re the Slayer?

BUFFY: Xander! Why are you here?

XANDER: I figured I’d help out. You know, backup, just in case some demon makes a run for it.

SPIKE: Yeah, you wouldn’t want them to have to go very far without a snack.

XANDER: You listen, bub, I’ve been in a lot of fights and I’ve played my part. Admittedly, my part has mostly been “Man who gets knocked on his butt”, but…

EURO: Monsieur, please, this is a place for professionals.

XANDER: Cool, a superhero!

BUFFY: You’re right, this is a place for professionals. So stay here while I --

EURO: Kill them?

BUFFY: Of course!

SPIKE: Duh!

EURO: Ah, violence. So typical of the young. Instead of discussing things rationally, you demonize your adversary and then try to destroy him.

BUFFY: Demonize? You can’t demonize them, they are demons!

EURO: See! You’ve already done it!

BUFFY: This is useless.

EURO: Precisely my point. When will you understand that dialogue is the key to solving problems? Nothing is ever accomplished through violence.

XANDER: Well, they wouldn’t be able to destroy the world. I kinda think that’s a net plus.

SPIKE: Plus, it’s fun.

EURO: Ah, typical American attitudes.

SPIKE: American?

XANDER: You watch it, buddy. No putting down the U.S. of A.

EURO: And then here come the threats. Ah, so typical.

XANDER: So this is what you do, huh? You roll into town in your tights and insult people with your nose-up-in-the-air attitude? I need any insulting done, I can get it at home, I don’t need your contribution.

SPIKE: And I’ll insult him.

XANDER: Right, Spike can insult me. Lord knows, that’s the only way he ever gets to hurt anyone anymore.

SPIKE: Mate, don’t push your luck.

XANDER: Or what, you’ll have a headache at me? Bring it on, blondie.

EURO: And is this not also so typical of Americans, you can’t even have a simple conversation among yourselves without resorting to threats.

SPIKE: You call me an American again, and I’ll rip your head off even if it makes my head explode.

EURO: English, then. You’re basically the same, unable to see anything from anyone else’s perspective.

SPIKE: You’re about to cross the line, mate.

EURO: Why can’t you be more like your brethren the Irish, who are peaceful members of the world community?

SPIKE : Irish? That does it.

[SPIKE punches EURO in the face. Both fall to the ground holding their heads.]

XANDER: You know, I really like it when he hits people and his chip goes off, Buff. [He looks around.] Buff? Buffy?

[BUFFY approaches from the demons’ nest, brushing off her hands.]

BUFFY: You know, this is getting to be almost too easy.

SPIKE: Ow! Slayer, you went in without me?

BUFFY: You boys seemed to be having fun out here, I figured I’d go take care of business. I miss anything?

XANDER: Well, Spike hit the superhero guy.

BUFFY: Why?

EURO: Because he’s immature and can’t take constructive criticism!

XANDER: No, that’s me. The superhero guy said that Spike was an American, then said he should be more Irish and that did it.

BUFFY: Oh. An Angel thing.

SPIKE: It was not an Angel thing! Ow!

EURO: Mademoiselle, am I correct in thinking that you have slain the beings from the end of the alley?

BUFFY: Correct! No need to thank me, all in a day’s work for the Slayer.

EURO: Thank you! Hardly! You have just caused the deaths of those poor folk without even speaking to them first and giving them a chance to mend their ways.

BUFFY: Actually, I did speak to them first. It was a pretty good line, too, I --

EURO: Did you try to negotiate? Give them a chance to surrender?

BUFFY: Come on! They were trying to destroy the world!

EURO: Certainly, that’s what they all say. So instead of negotiating, you just attacked them.

BUFFY: Actually, they attacked me first. So I grabbed the first guy by his left nose and threw him into the second guy, and --

EURO: But they only attacked because you provoked them, correct?

BUFFY: Well, maybe. I noticed a pile of human bones in the back, maybe those people provoked them too.

EURO: Can you prove that the persons in question were actually killed by those you attacked?

BUFFY: I probably could, but what’s the point?

EURO: Is that all you can say? Instead of attempting to discuss your differences rationally, and solve them non-violently, you unilaterally took it upon yourself to destroy them. Americans!

[BUFFY picks up EURO and throws him into a dumpster.]

XANDER: You know, I don’t think he was a real superhero.

BUFFY: Really? What was your first clue?

XANDER: Well, his only power was being super-annoying, and anybody can do that.

BUFFY: You’re telling me? Speaking of which, are you coming, Spike?

SPIKE: Ow! Yeah, give me a minute!

EURO: Merde, somebody threw away some perfectly good recyclable cans! And newspapers! Is that a refrigerator? I can’t believe the Americans allow this sort of thing.

[BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is copyright 2002 Twentieth Century Fox. CAPTAIN EURO isn’t.]