Captain America Meets Captain Euro!

[Previously, Captain America and Captain Euro agreed to travel to the Hindu Kush to capture the notorious Osama bin Laden. It isn't going that well.]

CAPTAIN EURO: So, as you can see, only unelected bureaucrats can make the appropriate decisions regarding what businesses should be allowed to do. The voters simply aren't qualified to make those decisions, and businessmen will allow their unfettered greed to overwhelm them. Really, it's in everybody's best interests.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Damn Commie.

[They see a cave.]

AMERICA: This is where the satellite picked up the unusual activity. I better go scope it out.

EURO: Non, je dois aller et parler avec lui.

AMERICA: What? Speak English, I know you can.

EURO: Stupid American, I said I will go and talk to Osama. I am sure he will see reason if we can only speak like rational men.

AMERICA: What? Are you crazy? Osama isn't rational! He's a mass-murdering terrorist!

EURO: "Terrorist" is a judgmental word, and only shows that you are fundamentally immature. It isn't your fault, of course, but surely you must see a more sophisticated approach is necessary.

[He runs off.]

AMERICA: Wait! You...

[He follows. As he catches up with Captain Euro, he sees that two Taliban fighters are preparing to shoot. Quickly, Captain America disarms the nearest with a kick, and knocks out the other with his thrown shield.]

AMERICA: Are you crazy? You have to be careful, these hills are crawling with guerrillas.

EURO: If you had not attacked them, I am certain we could have come to an understanding. Your precipitous action has doomed any chance of dialogue with these unfortunate individuals.

AMERICA: They were trying to shoot you!

EURO: They were only doing as they were conditioned by their upbringing. It is unfair to judge them by Western standards.

AMERICA: Tell you what, you can say you're sorry later, but we've got a clear approach to the cave.

EURO: Sì, lascili vanno.

[He follows Captain America toward the cave.]

AMERICA: And speak English!

EURO: Uncultured barbarian.

[As they approach the cave, they see a bearded head peek out. It is OSAMA.]

OSAMA:

AMERICA: All right, Osama. It's time you got what's coming to you.

EURO: Let me tell you, Captain America, your cowboy attitude is not making this any easier. Diplomacy requires patience and logic, not flexing your muscles.

AMERICA: There's no time for diplomacy! He's a mass murderer and I'm here to bring him to justice.

EURO: He must be talked into surrender, so he can be tried before a court appointed by the United Nations, and then sent to be rehabilitated.

AMERICA: I'm going to knock him out, hog-tie him, and take him back to New York, where they'll stick a needle in his arm.

EURO: Truly, you do not understand international affairs.

[Osama tries to sneak off. Captain America sees him, and knocks him down.]

EURO: Filthy barbarian! There is no justification for harming a suspect! He hasn't even been convicted of anything.

[He goes to help Osama, who pulls out a knife and holds it to Captain Euro's neck.]

OSAMA: Do you want me to kill him?

AMERICA: Yeah, go ahead.

EURO: Scheiße.